If you’re wondering where I’ve been for the past month, I promise I have a very good excuse. So, about two months ago I applied for an internship at a particular website. I probably shouldn’t tell you guys which one… Anyway, I was under the impression that my reviews would be featured on they website. I was actually right too. They WERE gonna post my reviews. The only problem is that their whole… uh… I can’t think of the right word… Their… Well, they take positivity really seriously. I’m an extremely negative person, so, needless to say, things didn’t work out. I honestly didn’t really give it a chance. I don’t care tho. It was obvious that it wasn’t right for me. Anyway, I waited about 15 days for them to finally send me my WordPress account so I could send them shit. I quit like two days after lol. I sent them my review of Every Hero Needs A Villain and they were all like “This is really great, but uh… There’s uh… Quite a bit of profanity, brotha” and I was all like “…Oh… Yeah…” I was planning on sending them a “family friendly” version and posting the explicit version on my website. That was only part of the problem tho. As soon as I got the internship, they started referring to me as an “ambassador.” Basically what that means is that they were gonna have me advertise they website for them. My dumbass didn’t know that at the time tho. They didn’t say shit about no “ambassador” until I got the job. They wanted me to post a video on Instagram about how I’m positive or some shit like that. I’m not a positive person tho. They also wanted me to tag somebody in it or something. They kept calling it a challenge. Aren’t challenges supposed to be… Ya know… Challenging? I didn’t not do it because it was too hard. I didn’t do it because I’m a cynical dick. I don’t know about y’all, but I’m not tryna have my timeline covered in videos of people sayin’ shit that I don’t believe or care about. I already have enough problems with that corny ass “Don’t Judge Challenge.” That shit is lame af. If people don’t make videos they’re supposed to donate 5 dollars to the website. Who the fuck do they think they are? Just kidding… It’s not that bad. I guess. Seriously tho, ain’t nobody gonna do that shit. I’m sure that if I did make the video, my followers would’ve been annoyed for 7 seconds and then completely forgotten about it. They wanted me to get 25 people to do it. That’s a shit load of people. They wanted me to get 25 people to donate 5 dollars to they website. If I asked my Dad to donate 5 dollars because it was a “challenge” he would have knocked me the fuck out. Just kidding. He would have just yelled at me.
“Hey Dad, can you donate 5 dollars to the website I’m working for?”
“Nothing, never mind.”
Just imagine one of your friends walking up to you and saying “Hey man, I challenge you to make a video about how positive you are. OR you could donate at least 5 dollars to this website! They aren’t a charity or anything, but it’s owners really need money.” Why the fuck would I do that? Those “challenges” are supposed to be interesting. Nobody will do it if it’s obviously just some desperate website trying to get attention. Nobody gives a shit about being positive. They also wanted me to make a Facebook post and send out like 3 tweets about it. I don’t even have a Facebook account anymore. I been got rid of that shit. I actually wouldn’t have minded doing the Twitter part… So there ya go. That’s what I’ve been doing this whole time. Unfortunately things probably won’t change around here anytime soon. My GODDAMN computer… Is BROKEN. I placed a water bottle in a precarious location and it spilled on my computer… Man… Fuck my dumbass. I don’t think I Iost all the data or anything, but it won’t turn on now. I’m typing all of this on my iPhone. I fucking hate touchscreens. I need to get me one of them keyboard cases. I probably won’t have a new computer until October. That’s when my seventeenth birthday is. Why the fuck are computers so expensive? What if everything was free? That would be awesome. I’ll try to see if I can download some shit on my phone and then review it like this. I can’t promise anything tho. I’m in California right now, so I’m not sure if I’ll have time to write more shit before school starts in August. I’ll try tho. God. I can’t wait until October. Oh… Yeah… That kid with the iced out neck you saw in the featured image… That’s me.
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