Album Review | Tech N9ne – The Gates Mixed Plate

This album came out five years ago on July 27th. Damn. It would’ve been dope if I posted this review on the five year anniversary. It doesn’t really matter tho. Why are these fuckin’ albums so goddamn long? There are 22 tracks on this bitch. I prolly woulda been almost finished with this marathon if his albums were an average length. I mean, I fuck with Tech N9ne, but goddamn. Anyway, this is Tech N9ne’s 10th album and the third album in his “Collabos” series. 10. I still have 10 more Tech N9ne albums to go. It’s not like I don’t like his music, but there’s so much of it. I prolly only fuck with like 60% of it most of the time. I don’t know. I’m just gonna go ahead and get this shit over with as soon as possible.

Track 1: Ms. Walker / Brooklyn Martino (Intro) [Prod. Robert Rebeck]

Well, that was stupid. It was just a radio show host telling us that she’s about to play a song by Tech N9ne called O.G. Pointless track. Not gonna give it a rating.

Track 2: O.G. (Prod. Seven)

I’m watching Courage The Cowardly Dog right now. Courage is a fucking badass. I love this show. Did y’all see the last episode with the Blue Thing? That shit was fucked up. Anyway, the song just started and the beat is pretty goddamn annoying so far. It has people in the background singin’ “Lalalalalalalalalalala.” It’s annoying as hell. If someone started singin’ that shit to me I’d punch that bitch in the throat and tell her to shut the fuck up. I said “her” because it sounds like a girl. It could just be a little ass kid tho. That would make it more annoying to be honest. Ooooh sheeyit… This beat is actually dope af after the intro. Goddamn. That fuckin’ bassline is smoother than a motherfucker. This beat is funky as hell. I fuck with this beat. Tech’s pretty much just goin’ in about how much he loves his home town Kansas City. I gotta pee. The annoying ass beat comes back for the hook. I’m not feelin’ that part of the beat, but the hook itself isn’t bad. Tech’s flow is dope and his energetic delivery is pretty nice too. The part where he’s shoutin’ out the “east side” and “west side” is a lil corny, but it ain’t that bad. The beat during the hook is so goddamn annoying. It definitely hurts the song, but it doesn’t completely ruin it. I still fuck with this song. This song is dope. 4/5

Track 3: F U Pay Me Feat. Krizz Kaliko & Makzilla (Prod. Young Fyre & Karbon)

Krizz Kaliko is on the first verse. This beat is dope af. It sounds pretty funk inspired just like the previous beat. Is the whole album gonna be like that? I hope so. I also hope that Krizz Kaliko doesn’t try to sing the hook on this motherfucker. He’s doin’ a great job with this verse. His energetic delivery sounds great. Fuck. He is on the hook. It really doesn’t sound that bad tho. I coulda did without it, but it doesn’t ruin the track. Is that autotune? His singin’ is really high-pitched, so it’s hard to tell, but I think that is autotune. It doesn’t sound that bad. It’s fine. Makzilla’s verse was cool. Tech’s verse was nice too. This song is pretty dope. The hook could’ve been a little better, but this definitely isn’t a bad song. I fuck with this. This is dope. 4/5

Track 4: Gamer Feat. Kutt Calhoun & Krizz Kaliko (Prod. EmayDee)

Nope. This doesn’t have funk inspired production. I spoke too soon. This beat is dope af tho. It sounds like 8-bit video game music. The vocals at the beginning were kind of annoying, but they weren’t really that bad. I’m pretty sure the “game” is supposed to be the hunt for bad bitches. Does that make sense? You know how male “whores” are commended for having a lot of sex instead of condemned like women usually are? They’re sometimes referred to as “players.” That’s pretty much what this seems like. Tech’s just calling himself a gamer instead of a player. The beat is dope, but I don’t know about this hook… Krizz is singin’ and I’m not really feelin’ it. “I’m a game, she the game / I’m a player, you not the same.” Hahaha. The way he’s singin’ just sounds stupid as hell. Kutt Calhoun’s verse wasn’t bad I guess. I don’t know how I feel about this topic. The hook kinda sucks too. The beat is dope af. This honestly just comes off as really misogynistic. It’s like he’s grading every women he comes into contact with. Women who have sex with him get a lot of “points.” I don’t know. This isn’t horrible, but I’m just not really feelin’ it. This is wack to me. 2/5

Track 5: Jumpin’ Jax Feat. Stevie Stone, Krizz Kaliko & Bishop Young Don (Prod. Young Fyre & Karbon)

This beat is average I guess. It’s kinda boring. “All of ’em know that I made a lot of money last year, so that means that you got to really bounce, bounce that ass dear / Then maybe later you can get in a position of a pap smear.” Nah. I ain’t gonna like this shit. I don’t like to hear music about this kinda shit. It’s usually in pretty bad taste any time Tech N9ne tries to do it. Tech’s delivery is kinda annoying on this one too. Oh my God. This is bad. “That booty doin’ jumpin’ jax.” Hahahahahahaha. This is so bad. Bishop Young Don is singin’ on the hook. This isn’t good. Nah. Stevie Stone actually sounds pretty damn good and his flow is nice, but I don’t know. These lyrics are just not for me. The beat kinda sucks and so does the hook. The topic is just not good. This is pretty bad. Krizz Kaliko’s about to go in. “I like ’em with so many stretch marks like she wearing some coloroid pants.” HAHAHAHAHA! That’s hilarious. I’m not feelin’ this tho. This is just… Not good to me. At all. What the fuck? He just said some shit about “pimples on the booty.” Hell nah. This is bad. I’m not feelin’ this shit at all. This is wack af. 1/5

Track 6: Keep It One Hunit Feat. Big Scoob, Glasses Malone & Irv Da Phenom (Prod. Young Fyre & Karbon)

This beat’s cool I guess. It’s nothin’ special. Big Scoob’s on the first verse. Irv did his thing on the hook I guess. It was nothin’ special. Kinda underwhelming. Scoob did his thing. So did Glasses Malone. Both of their verses were decent. They didn’t really stand out. Tech N9ne definitely had the best verse. This song isn’t bad, but it doesn’t stand out that much. The hook was underwhelming. The beat was fine I guess. It got kinda annoying after a while, but it wasn’t that bad. The verses were all fine. This track is really nothin’ special. It’s alright. 3/5

Track 7: Pow Pow Feat. Kutt Calhoun, Mon E.G. The Ghostwriter, Riv Locc & Tay Diggs (Prod. Demolishbeatz)

This beat is kinda shitty, but I like it. It’s simple. Not in a bad way tho. This is gangsta as fuck. Kutt’s verse was dope af. The pitch shifted layer of vocals got old pretty quick. It’s not that bad. He’s also on the hook. It’s pretty dope. I don’t know who this Tay Diggs guy is, but his verse was pretty nice. This is HARD. Tech N9ne is actually pretty good at doin’ these gangsta songs. I don’t know if he would be able to do it without any features. Tech doesn’t really have a verse on here. He just spit a little bit during the intro. I don’t know who the fuck Mon E.G. is, but he fuckin’ killed this shit. This is actually really fuckin’ dope. The beat is dope and the verses were a lot better than I expected them to be. I fuck with this. This is dope af. 5/5

Track 8: Harvey Dent (Prod. EmayDee)

The concept of this song is kinda lame. It’s really nerdy. If y’all don’t know, there’s a Batman character named Two-Face. Hahaha. Two-Face. What a terrible name. Who the fuck came up with that shit? Two-Face? That’s the most uncreative name they could’ve thought of. His whole thing is having two identities. Half his face is like burned off so he looks uglier than a motherfucker. I guess his government name is Harvey Dent. Tech N9ne’s basically tryin’ to say that he has two identities. Sometimes he likes to turn up and other times he likes to make dark music. That’s what this song is about. In the first verse he’s like “my fans want me to make fucked up music, but I’m tryna have fun.” His flow’s cool and everything, but… I don’t know. It’s not really a bad topic; I just don’t really care about it. The beat’s nothing special. This song is kinda… stupid. It’s corny to me. Especially that sample of the chick sayin’ “Harvey Dent.” This hook kinda sucks. Not feelin’ the hook. I’m not really feelin’ this shit. The hook is wack to me. The beat is wack to me. The whole concept of this song is wack to me. Tech’s flow was dope. Average for him tho. This whole song is just underwhelming. Nothing stands out. Nothing about this song is really that good. I’m not fuckin’ with this shit. This shit is wack to me. 2/5

Track 9: Tony G (Intro) [Prod. Robert Rebeck]

Not sure why this is an “intro.” It’s basically the same shit as the first track, except it’s hosted by Tony G. This is pointless.

Track 10: What’s Next Feat. Craig Smith, Krizz Kaliko & Oobergeek (Prod. EmayDee)

This beat is smooth as hell. It kinda sounds like an R&B beat. I guess that’s what Krizz Kaliko is for. I don’t know who Craig Smith is, but his verse is actually kinda nice. It’s smooth as hell. Krizz Kaliko is on the hook. It’s alright I guess. He kinda sounds like Cee-Lo. “I got my duffel bag, my swag and my A.M.X / I got my girlie all done up for some S.E.X.” I don’t know about these lyrics. They’re not really bad enough to ruin the song. Oobergeek is on second verse. His verse was pretty cool. This is like a really smooth party track. The beat is great and both of the verses are pretty decent and the hook is growing on me. Tech N9ne’s verse was great. Krizz Kaliko’s bridge is alright. I kinda fuck with this song. It’s not great, but I think it’s kinda dope. I fuck with this. 4/5

Track 11: Afterparty Feat. Kutt Calhoun & Devin The Dude (Prod. EmayDee)

Tech just mentioned a restaurant called Chubby’s. You guys remember that Mexican food place I mentioned in my At.Long.Last.A$AP review called Chubby’s? It’s not the same place. I’m going to pretend that’s what he was talking about tho. He’s basically just saying that he’s gonna have an orgy at his crib after he leaves the club. This is just as vulgar and distasteful as every other song he’s made about this topic. “She sucked D / Gushed me, then roughly rode this ding-a-ling like a Huffy.” What the hell does “gushed me” mean? The thousands of women participating in Tech N9ne’s orgy are apparently ugly as fuck, but he doesn’t notice because he’s intoxicated. The hook’s underwhelming. Kutt Calhoun’s on the second verse. “Soon as I enter, my cock’s attending a chicken brigade / Somebody’s pussy’s about to get cooked, rather chicken filleted.” Nope. Nah. Not feelin’ his verse either. The beat is pretty underwhelming too. What the fuck? Why is Devin rappin’ like this? It’s not really bad, but he’s awkwardly stopping in the middle of his verse… Did he freestyle this shit on the spot? That’s what it sounds like… “A bitch quickly grabbed my dick and asked why it was so soft / I said that it wouldn’t go off / She gave it a quick blow off / And… She did…….. and me dick start to rise.” I don’t know. I fuck with Devin The Dude, but that verse was just weak. Not feelin’ this shit one bit. This is wack af to me. 1/5

Track 12: Too Many Girls Feat. Krizz Kaliko & Sundae (Prod. Matic Lee)

You know how rappers are constantly objectifying women? Well, in the first bar of this song Krizz Kaliko literally calls a woman an object. I’m dead ass serious. “She the object of my affection / Nah, I take that back / See, she the object of my erection.” What the fuck? I didn’t realize how fucked up some of the lyrics I hear in songs are until I started this website. I don’t understand how people feel comfortable letting shit like this come out of their mouths. I could tell that I wasn’t gonna be into this song as soon as I saw the title. I can’t front tho… This beat is dope. The hook isn’t very good. I’m not feelin’ Tech’s sing-songy delivery. He keeps confusin’ all of the girls’ names. Eh. His verse wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Sundae’s voice is annoying as fuck. She’s trying real hard to be sexy by pretending to be bi-sexual or lesbian (maybe she really is). “Say she wanna be on my team lickin’ clits and vagina.” Nope. Nah. Not feelin’ this song. Her verse is fucking awful. Her flow was average and her delivery was fuckin’ awful. This song is wack af. The lyrics are incredibly distasteful. The beat is pretty much the only tolerable thing about this song. Not feelin’ this shit even a little bit. 1/5

Track 13: Pu Wah Wah (Performed by 816 Boyz) [Prod. Seven]

If y’all don’t know, 816 Boyz is a group consisting of Tech N9ne, Krizz Kaliko, Kutt Calhoun & Makzilla. 816 is the area code for Kansas City. Pu Wah Wah. I know I shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but that’s exactly what I’m doing right now. This is probably gonna be fucking stupid as hell. “She got that pu-wah-wah-wah drip, drip, drip.” …What the fuck is happening? Who thought this was a good idea? This is fucking ridiculous. These are almost Hopsin levels of corn. This is… Well, my prejudice was pretty accurate if you ask me. “It’s a puddle on the ground, girl go on get a towel and wipe it up.” I usually don’t do shit like this, but I can tell you right now that this song is gonna get a 0/5. I haven’t even heard any of the verses yet, but I already know this shit is gonna be wack af. I haven’t even made it through the hook yet. I cannot believe how fucking awful this is. Krizz Kaliko’s verse just ended. It was bad. He talked about “sniffing” stuff… I don’t know if I can do this… This is just fucking awful. The beat is almost nonexistent. It sounds like a beat from a 90s one hit wonder song. Kutt Calhoun’s verse was atrocious. Did they really want to do this? Were they actually into this song? Did they seriously think that this was a good idea? Did they think people would like this song? What the fuck is happening? They aren’t even saying real words. “Tech Nina-na I make the pu wah wah and I make mula-la true dollah, so I’m ??? / What you wanna do papa? / You brought the caca to dada.” What the motherfuck? I cannot believe what I’m hearing. This might just be the worst Tech N9ne song I’ve ever heard in my life. This is definitely the worst Seven beat I’ve heard in my life. Holy FUCK. Makzilla is actually whispering his words. This is fucking horrendous. I’m not gonna lie… I’ve lost a little respect for Tech N9ne. 0/5

tumblr_n4iv84umqw1twr278o2_1280

Track 14: Sean Tyler (Intro) [Prod. Robert Rebeck]

Y’all can guess what this is.

Track 15: KC Tea Feat. Krizz Kaliko (Prod. Seven)

Alright, it can only go up from here. This song is obviously dedicated to an alcoholic beverage called Kansas City Tea. I don’t know if this is something Tech N9ne invented or what, but it’s a mixture of Hennessy, Sprite & lemon. So basically just Hennessy & Sprite because Sprite is a lemon + lime drink. Just kidding. I’m not actually sure if you can make it without lemon. It just seems kinda redundant tho. I’d rather just have water. Or some guava or mango juice. Anyway, I don’t think I’m gonna like this shit. The topic isn’t very interesting to me. I’m not much of a party guy. There’s a very very very very very slight chance that I may try smokin’ weed in the future (especially if it’s legalized…), but I’m just not really interested. If someone hands me a blunt I may try it, but I’m not gonna actively seek out a weed dealer. I’m kinda the same way with white women. If a decent looking white chick throws the pussy at me I might catch it, but I’m not willing to work for it. Sorry. I’m gettin’ sidetracked. Apparently the members of Slaughterhouse drink KC Tea. I actually doubt that. Tech probably made them try it and they were like “Yeah… It’s… It’s good” and then they never drank it again. That’s what I would do. This hook is annoying as hell. I’m sorry I just can’t take this seriously. It’s like listening to a commercial. The beat is average and Tech’s flow is cool, but other than that this kinda sucks. I’m not feelin’ this shit. This is wack. Wait a minute what am I saying? This song is a commercial for a beverage. This is obviously wack af. 1/5

Track 16: JT Quick (Intro) [Prod. Robert Rebeck]

Track 17: Oh You Didn’t Know Feat. Irv Da Phenom & The Popper (Prod. Demolishbeatz)

The Popper. Am I the only one that thinks that’s a “shit ass” name? The hook is average. It’s not very bad. It just doesn’t stand out very much. Tech’s basically just talkin’ about his success. His first verse was cool I guess. Irv Da Phenom is on the second verse. He somehow has a more impressive flow than Tech N9ne on this track. I didn’t think the beat was that dope at first, but it’s kinda growin’ on me. Irv’s verse is dope. The Popper’s verse is alright I guess. This definitely isn’t a bad song, but it just doesn’t really stand out that much. If I downloaded this I would probably never listen to it again. It wasn’t that bad tho. Irv Da Phenom definitely stole the show. 3/5

Track 18: Far Out Feat. JL, P.R.E.A.C.H. & Stevie Stone (Prod. Demolishbeatz)

I’m sorry, but P.R.E.A.C.H. is an annoying ass name. I would’ve accepted Preach or even PREACH, but P.R.E.A.C.H. is just asking too much. This hook kinda sucks. It doesn’t ruin the song tho. JL’s on the first verse. He fuckin’ killed it. The beat is kinda shitty, but it isn’t really that bad. P.R.E.A.C.H.’s verse was pretty good too. Not amazing, but decent. Tech N9ne went the fuck in and killed it. His flow was actually pretty fuckin’ great. This is the first time his flow has been really impressive on this album. Stevie Stone is only on the hook. All he says is “I’m far out, off the chain / Took the star route, I done lost the plane.” That’s all he does. His feature was completely unnecessary. I fuck with this song. The hook kinda sucks and so does the beat, but the verses were all good enough to make this song worth downloading. For me at least. I fuck with this song. This song is dope. 4/5

Track 19: Paper With Bryan B Shynin (Intro) Feat. Jay Rock, Joe Vertigo & Krizz Kaliko [Prod. Charles S. Neal IV]

Bryan B Shynin is introducing this song like all the other radio show hosts did. I don’t know why Tech didn’t just put the hosts at the beginning of every song like he did with this one. Well, not every song, but the songs they were introducing. Jay Rock’s on the first verse. His verse was pretty dope. His flow was nice. This beat isn’t very good. Neither is the hook. What the FUCK? This motherfucker Joe Vertigo’s flow is fucking bananas. Why wasn’t he on Worldwide Choppers? Something about this sounds weird… It might just be me, but it kinda sounds like his verse was sped up with some recording software or something. I don’t know… I liked his verse. Not feelin’ the hook. Tech’s verse was cool. Nothing special. I like the fast pace of this song, but that’s pretty much it for pros. They’re just talkin’ about how much they love gettin’ money. The beat and hook both suck. They flows was cool. It’s not terrible, but it just kinda sucks… I’m not feelin’ this. 2/5

Track 20: Loud Feat. Alan Wayne Tha Pradagy, Bizzy & Irv Da Phenom (Prod. Demolishbeatz)

Fuck. I liked the first part of the hook, but the second half is just corny to me. “Boom boom boom boom / bang bang bang bang.” Nope. Alan Wayne’s flow was pretty great, but the lyrics were a little corny to me. “We ain’t even gotta go to the crib girl we can do it in the back seat / For now sit back relax and let this beat massage your ass cheeks.” I think this guy on the second verse is Bizzy, but he keeps referring to himself as “Prada.” Wikipedia might’ve fucked up again. Whoever it is has a great flow on this verse. The beat’s average. Tech N9ne’s flow was fuckin’ insane. I don’t know. This isn’t really that bad of a song, but it’s just not for me. I wasn’t really feelin’ the hook or the beat, but they all had great flows. The topic wasn’t really that interesting to me, but they did it pretty well. It’s not really a bad song. Just not for me. 3/5

Track 21: Need More Angels With Prayer By Brother K.T. Feat. Irv Da Phenom (Prod. EmayDee)

This song opens up with a prayer from Brother K.T. That guy’s apparently a pastor from Kansas City named Kevin Taylor. Tech has a very slight pitch shift. I fuck with this beat. This beat is dope af. I’m not really feelin’ this hook. Tech did his thing on all of the verses. The beat was cool. I don’t know. This song is just kinda underwhelming. The beat’s the only thing that stands out to me honestly. This isn’t a bad song, but it’s just not really grabbing me. It’s alright I guess. 3/5

Track 22: Doin’ It Feat. Chillest Illest, OME & Yukmouth (Prod. Demolishbeatz)

Wow. I’ve never heard any of Yukmouth’s music, but I always thought he had a great name. Yukmouth. It wouldn’t be as good if it had a C. I didn’t know that he was one of the guys in Luniz. I literally just found that out like 2 minutes ago. What the fuck? This fucking hook is horrible. Oh my goodness. I cannot believe this shit. This hook is fucking ridiculous. It’s so fucking horrible. Who is that? OME. Goddamnit, OME. You done fucked up. This sounds like a desperate attempt at a hit from a failed 80s pop artist. This is awful. The beat is dope af tho. Yukmouth is on the first verse. I really like his delivery. He really wasn’t sayin’ shit, but I liked the way he sounded. I don’t know about Chillest Illest… He’s not really that bad I guess. His delivery is just kinda corny to me. It probably wouldn’t bother most people tho. Tech N9ne did his thing. This hook is God awful. OME had a fucking horrible bridge too. Hahahahahahaha. This is fucking horrible. Nah. The hook ruins everything. This wasn’t even that bad, but the hook was just horrendous. This is wack af. 1/5

Final Thoughts:

This album just barely crossed over from being wack to being okay. This is easily the worst Tech N9ne album I’ve heard so far. You’d probably have to be a very heavy Tech N9ne dickrider to fuck with this. The production was just bad. The hooks were pretty bad too, but that’s to be expected. These are just bad songs. Uninteresting topics, weak production, unreliable features, disappointing flows and underwhelming songs. Tech N9ne’s flow really wasn’t that impressive until I got to the last few tracks. This just isn’t very good. There aren’t many artists out there who can say “I have a perfect discography” (the reason this sentence was so awkward is because I don’t know how to spell the plural form of “discography”). I knew Tech had at least one wack album. Hopefully the albums that came before this are less… bad. This is just a bad album. If you really really really like Tech N9ne then you might fuck with this album, but I just can’t do it. This is alright.


EDIT: I wrote this review a while ago, but I had to edit it because I recently started giving out the 0/5 score. I should’ve been doing that shit from the start. The only album reviews that I’m going back to edit are the Tech N9ne ones because I’m doing a marathon on it. This album was affected the most tho. I originally said it was “alright.” It’s not alright. It’s not alright at all. This is a BAD album. That’s pretty much all you need to know. It’s just bad. I’m not feelin’ this album. It’s wack.

Favorite Song: Pow Pow

Least Favorite Song: Pu Wah Wah

Verdict:

48%

WACCCKK

Tell me if I’m trippin’ in the comments below

If you enjoyed this article, share it on Twitter & Facebook

Follow me on Twitter: @OGNickMarsh

Advertisements

One comment

Tell me if I'm trippin'

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s