I wasn’t originally planning to listen to this bullshit, but somebody requested it on Twitter, so I’m finna give it a shot. If you have any requests hit me up @OGNickMarsh on Twitter. Just please make sure I haven’t already reviewed it. Also, I’m not gonna review your shitty ass mixtape. I don’t wanna listen to a bunch of unmastered struggle bars over a shitty piano beat. That’s probably gonna be what this project is like if we’re being real. Actually, it’s definitely gonna be better than that, but I’m still expecting this shit to be pretty wack. Puff Daddy is just not a good rapper. He’s really not. At all. The title, MMM, apparently stands for “Money Makin’ Mitch.” That’s a shitty title to me. It is what it is tho. It came out November 4th this year (2015), which was apparently Puff Daddy’s 46th birthday. There are really only three things I know about him: he’s loaded, he worked a lot with Biggie, and he somehow has a classic album called No Way Out. It’s not really clear to me who “The Family” is. Is that just another name for Bad Boy Records? Or Bad Boy affiliates? I guess if King Los is involved it can’t be horrible… I don’t know tho. This is supposed to be serving as a prelude to his final album No Way Out 2. That’s right. Another sequel album. I guess I’m gonna have to review the original No Way Out album before the second one comes out. Fuck. I don’t like Diddy. I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed anything he’s ever done on a song. The best shit I’ve heard from him is probably his verse on the remix to Same Damn Time by Future. So, yeah. That’s a pretty low bar. Hopefully the features and production keep this shit interesting.
Track 1: Factz
I couldn’t find production credits for this one, so I’m assuming that it’s just a pointless intro with Puffy saying nothing of importance. Oh. There actually is a beat. It’s pretty dope too. I’m gonna assume that he produced this one himself. I don’t know for sure tho. Okay apparently MMM is about some boss ass motherfucker. I don’t know. I must’ve blacked out for a second because I really can’t remember what Puffy was sayin’. The beat cut off. Now we’re in an airplane. Haha. The lady on the intercom was like “Ladies and Gentlemen, we are preparing to make our final descent into New York Motherfucking City.” I actually kinda enjoyed that second part. It’s not a song tho, so I’m not gonna give it a rating.
Track 2: Harlem Feat. Gizzle (Prod. Puff Daddy & The Hitmen)
I’m not sure who Gizzle is, but that is a terrible name. Wow. This beat is actually really fuckin’ dope. Diddy’s on the first verse. He’s not doing too well. “King of New York / John Gotti issues / Chanel sneakers / Maserati issues.” He opened this tape up in the laziest possible way. “Chanel sneakers.” Isn’t Chanel primarily a female fashion company? Lyrically, this is probably the most boring shit I’ve listened to since Major Without A Deal. “I’m talking whips / I’m talking bitches.” Cool. Just like every other rapper ever. He’s rhymin’ a lot of words with themselves. “You can see the picture / You ain’t gotta take the picture.” That first verse from Puffy is horrible. This production is crazy tho. I don’t know what the fuck is happening right now… Is this the hook? It’s terrible. This sounds awful. What the fuck is happening? I hope he isn’t trying to sell this shit as a second verse… Nah, that’s definitely the hook. It’s terrible. The way the beat switches up doesn’t sound good at all. “Two in the morning, flying through Harlem / I’m the flyest nigga in Harlem.” Why do I feel like I’m a better rapper than Puff Daddy? He’s such a bad rapper. I’d rather listen to Silkk The Shocker struggle to stay on beat than hear this motherfucker rap. Gizzle’s goin’ in now. I don’t know what the fuck that was. This is fucking awful. The first part of the beat was pretty dope, but as soon as that first verse ended the beat went to hell. That’s a small problem compared to everything else wrong with this shit. I just heard two of the worst verses of the year. Keep in mind, I listened to a Young Thug project this year. At least with him I can be entertained by ridiculous shit that barely makes sense. This shit isn’t even funny tho. It’s just sad. These are the most generic lyrics I’ve heard in a long time. Diddy’s “rapping” about how he has a lot of money and “bitches.” Does anyone really wanna hear that shit? Seriously, who thinks that anything Diddy said on this song was interesting? That shit was fucking awful. You can’t just decide that you aren’t gonna rhyme. That’s one of the most basic rules to Hip Hop. The word “Harlem” does not rhyme with the word “Harlem.” You know why? Because that’s one fucking word. That’s like saying, “Biggie Smalls is a great rapper. You know who else I really like? Biggie Smalls.” Why the fuck did he even bother with this mixtape? He cannot rap. What made him want to do this shit? If you’re gonna make a mixtape at least put some fuckin’ effort into your bars. Rapping should not be this hard for you. I shouldn’t feel like I’m a better rapper than you. I don’t even know what the fuck Gizzle was talking about. “You about to start love trippin’, you sex kitten.” I’m not feelin’ this Gizzle guy. It didn’t sound like a guy, but the lyrics lead me to believe that he is indeed male. This song is fucking horrible to me. I can’t say that it’s complete dogshit because I liked the first part of the beat, but I still hope that I never hear this song ever again. 1/5
Track 3: Help Me Feat. Sevyn Streeter (Prod. Puff Daddy & The Hitmen)
What is this sample from? I’m not talkin’ about the beat… He cut out a monologue from some movie and used it as the intro for this song. I don’t know what the fuck this guy’s talkin’ about. It’s so funny. It’s not supposed to be funny, but it just sounds stupid as fuck. Is that Diddy talkin’? Nah, I think it’s from a movie. That intro was annoying as hell. I didn’t like the way the beat sounded all dramatic. That was annoying. It gets a lot better once that intro ends. He’s goin’ in now. This still isn’t great, but he sounds a lot better on this shit than he did on the first song. Eh. I don’t know. I’m not feelin’ this flow. It sounds like he’s havin’ a little trouble ridin’ this beat. It’s not a super abstract beat or anything either. It’s dope af, but it really shouldn’t be hard to rhyme over. I guess he’s tryin’ to make a eulogy for B.I.G. kinda. Well, I don’t know about that… At first he starts talkin’ about how he had a crazy night, and then he completely changes the subject after about 8 bars. It seems like he’s tryin’ to do what Dre did for Eazy-E on Talking To My Diary, but with Biggie. That’s cool and everything. I know he has good intentions. It’s just not that good of a verse. It’s not complete dog shit tho. This hook isn’t for me. Sevyn Streeter didn’t really do a bad job or anything. It’s just not for me. “I’m a rocket, you can’t launch me.” I could tear that line apart right now if I wanted to be a dick. It’s a Puff Daddy song tho. Nobody really expects more than that. “Acting like a iddy-aught, yeah, I mean idiot.” Oh no. This is just… I fucking… This is… This is just not good at all. The production’s kinda cool, but other than that I can’t get behind this bullshit. I feel like this review is about to just be me quoting an ass load of terrible lines. I’m not feelin’ this shit. This is wack to me. 2/5
Track 4: Everyday (Amor) Feat. Jadakiss, Styles P, Pusha T & Tish [Prod. Puff Daddy, The Hitmen & Hit-Boy]
This beat is dope. I don’t know who the fuck Tish is, but that’s an awful name. You know you’re doing something wrong when your name is an anagram of the word “shit.” She’s singin’ the hook. It kinda sucks, but it isn’t intolerable. I’m actually expecting this song to be pretty dope. Jadakiss, Styles P, and Pusha T are all great rappers. I think it’s fair to assume that Puffy will have the wackest verse. Jada’s goin’ in now. His verse was pretty solid. If you’re familiar with his music, then you pretty much know what to expect, and that’s exactly what you get. He had a dope verse. Diddy’s goin’ in now. I’m terrible with instruments. I’m gonna say that that’s a… Saxophone? Some saxophone comes in during Diddy’s verse and it sounds great. If you’re not a complete fucking idiot like I am, and you know what instrument that is lemme know. His verse wasn’t nearly as bad as the other shit he’s said so far on this tape. It definitely wasn’t good, but it didn’t completely ruin the track. I’m still gonna cut it out with GarageBand tho. Might even cut out the hook if I can. Styles P is goin’ in now. He actually had a really dope verse. I never liked his lazy flow, but his lyrics always manage to pull things around for me. Yeah, I’m definitely not feelin’ this hook. Pusha’s goin’ in. Okay. He easily had the best verse. That shit was dope. I’ve been pretty damn hard on this tape so far, but I actually enjoyed this song. That most likely wouldn’t be the case if it weren’t for the rapped features. Diddy’s verse wasn’t horrible tho. He’s definitely had worse verses than that. The beat was cold. The hook was wack, and Diddy’s verse wasn’t good, but everything else about this shit is nice. Push killed it. The Ghost did his thing. So did Kiss. I fuck with this shit. This is dope. 4/5
Track 5: Auction Feat. Lil Kim, King Los & Styles P (Prod. Puff Daddy, The Hitmen & Young Chop)
Wow. Lil Kim in 2015. Why? Seriously, who wanted to hear a Lil Kim verse in 2015. I would rather listen to a Puff Daddy verse in 2015 than a fuckin’ Lil Kim verse in 2015. Unfortunately it looks as if I’m finna have to do both today. Los & Styles P should keep things from gettin’ too bad tho. I’ve never listened to any of Lil Kims albums, and I don’t ever plan to. She’s probably one of the only “legends” in Hip Hop that I have absolutely no interest in. Okay, Diddy’s goin’ in on the first verse. This beat is pretty dope. Lil Kim pops up in the middle of his verse and spits about four bars. She basically just dick-rides him the whole time… Figuratively. That first verse wasn’t good. It definitely could have been worse, but… It wasn’t good. Los is on the hook. It’s cool I guess. Styles P is on the second verse. He did his thing. It wasn’t amazing or anything. As anyone could’ve expected, King Los stole the show with the last verse. This isn’t a bad song, but to be honest it’s pretty boring until Los goes in. The beat’s cool. Nothing special. It’s hard to believe that Young Chop was involved with this one, but I’ll take Wikipedia’s word for it. Puff Daddy’s verse was not good. At least Lil Kim didn’t get a full verse. It’s really not terrible, but it didn’t really do anything for me to be honest. I liked Los’ verse and Styles P’s verse wasn’t bad, but they don’t save the track. This is average to me. 3/5
Track 6: MMM Feat. Future & King Los (Prod. Mike WiLL Made It, Hit-Boy & Young Chop)
Oh God… I guess the production should hopefully be good. Maybe King Los will spit a good verse. Future probably isn’t gonna… Well… Fuck it; lemme go ahead and listen to this shit before I judge it. Damn. This beat is hard as fuck. HAHAHAHA. What the fuck is Future doing right now? I can’t understand a fuckin’ word this guy is saying, other than “Money Makin’ Mitch.” This motherfucker really isn’t saying any words. He’s literally just making noises over this beat. That No Words skit that Hopsin did was definitely about Future & Young Thug. There’s no fucking way that it could’ve been about anyone else. That hook is fucking horrible. Puffy’s trying to rap again. Yup. His verse was terrible. Nothing he said was good, and his flow was boring as fuck. I don’t know why the fuck he did that. Ah shit. Los is goin’ in now. Wait… What? Why? No? Okay, then. Fuck it. He rapped about four bars. They sounded great tho. His flow was on point for them four bars. Puff Daddy just goes back in after him tho. This is really bad. The beat is dope af, but pretty much everything else about this is fucking god-awful. I can’t even get mad at this hook tho. It’s so bad that it’s funny. Oh my God. Oh my… Future has a verse… Diddy gave Future a verse. Wow. That shit was fucking terrible. He didn’t even say anything that stupid. He just made a bunch of incredibly generic and broad statements. “You know I’m gonna double up / Trapping a habit you whip up a Xannie.” What Trap rapper hasn’t already said that? Seriously, I feel like 99% of the shit that comes outta this motherfucker’s mouth is freestyled by white boys from the suburbs everyday. “We had them leans in double cups / We have the ones you ain’t gonna double up.” That’s the kinda shit that the white kids at my school would say. Maybe Future is somehow better than them because he’s not lying, but I personally don’t give a fuck. It was never cool to me in the first place. It’s really lame that some of the white kids that I know are lying and pretending that they live a certain way, but even if they really did do that shit it would still be lame as fuck. Future is fucking horrible. I don’t know how many times I have to say it. This song is fucking horrible. It’s not complete dog shit, ’cause I kinda fuck with this beat. It’s really fuckin’ bad tho. 1/5
Track 7: All Or Nothing Feat. French Montana & Wiz Khalifa (Prod. The Mekanics, Hit-Boy & Travis Scott)
Holy fucking shit. These features just get worse and worse. French Montana is actually my least favorite rapper. He’s not “one of my least favorite rappers.” No. He’s my least favorite rapper. He’s so fucking bad. At least with people like Future, Young Thug, or even ILoveMakonnen, there’s at least one song that I can enjoy from them. There is not a single song that I like by French Montana. He can occasionally deliver a tolerable hook, but if he does anything other than that, then the song will be complete dog shit. I used to like Wiz Khalifa, but I think he literally smoked himself into a complete dumbass. I’m deadass serious. I don’t know what happened to that motherfucker. As soon as that 28 Grams tape dropped I knew something was up. Then he dropped We Dem Boyz, and I was like… “Oh… Oh my God.” Maybe We Dem Boyz came out before 28 Grams. I don’t remember the exact order. The point I’m trying to make is that French Montana is fucking horse shit, and Wiz Khalifa fell off harder than anyone aside from Kid Cudi. With all that said, lemme see if this is a good song. Is this the hook? It kinda sounds like Puff Daddy is trying to make himself sound more like French Montana. If you need more clarification, to me it sounds like he’s kinda trying to make himself sound like a fucking idiot by slurring his words. This beat isn’t good. Wait a minute… If Puff Daddy’s on the hook, and French Montana is a featured artist, then that means… OH BOY. French Montana’s on the first verse. This shit is fucking horrible. This is… “She came here with nothing / She gon’ leave with nothing / I was born with nothing / Gon’ die with nothing / My dome is strapped, and she’ll die for nothing / You came here for them / Came out with nothing.” Literally nothing in French Montana’s first five bars rhyme with eachother. Barely anything in his entire verse rhymes. He ends his verse by trying to rhyme “taking pictures with me” with “taking pictures of me” with “old pistol with me” with “window of it.” None of that shit rhymes. What the fuck is his problem? Rhyming should not be this difficult for you. I seriously do not understand how anyone could be this bad at rapping. You would think that he would try his hardest for his boss’ mixtape, but I guess not. Maybe this is his best. I really hope it isn’t tho, because that verse was fucking pathetic. French Montana is fucking dog shit. That verse was pure dog shit. This is bad. This is so bad. Puff Daddy just… rapped I guess? I don’t know what the fuck that was. I think he just tried to spit an 8 bar verse. Needless to say, it wasn’t good. This hook is so bad. Why the fuck does he randomly try to start a conversation with French Montana in the middle of the hook? Wiz is goin’ in now… At least he isn’t slurring his words like a fucking dumbass. Wiz’s verse fortunately wasn’t complete garbage. It still wasn’t good tho. It was definitely a fuck of a lot better than the other two “verses.” It’s pretty much exactly what you expect from Wiz Khalifa in 2015. I’m sorry, but this song is fucking horrible. I wish I had more synonyms for that word. This is easily the worst song on the tape so far. This shit is fucking pathetic. Fucking dog shit. 0/5
Track 8: Workin’ (Remix) Feat. Big Sean & Travis Scott [Prod. Rob Holladay, Key Wane, Hit-Boy & Young Chop]
Oh my God. He must have a feature from every wack mainstream rapper on this shit. Big Sean is fucking horrible. Travis Scott isn’t horrible, but… I really don’t like his shit. There aren’t a lot of songs that I like by him. I don’t think he’s that good of a producer either. I’ve never heard the original version of Workin’. This hook isn’t good. It’s not really bad tho. It’s just really simple. It does it’s job. This beat is cool. Needless to say, Puff Daddy’s first verse was not good. I never like it when rappers choose to make every bar of a song end with the same word. Diddy did that with “workin'” on this song. Whenever rappers do that it seems to stifle their creativity. It takes away their freedom to say anything interesting, and once you realize that every bar is the same, you pretty much know how the whole song goes. That shit gets old real quick. This hook is boring as hell. I’m so bored right now. This beat was cold as fuck at first, but now I’m already tired of it. This song is so boring. He did the same shit on the second verse. I will admit, it probably does take a bit of talent to figure out how to say the same exact shit in a slightly different way for two whole 16 bar verses. Travis Scott is goin’ in now. Of course he’s on some autotune bullshit. The beat kinda switched up. Oh my God. He did the same shit that he did on Rodeo where he imitates other rappers. He yelled “YEAH” in the background, and I seriously thought that Young Thug was about to come in. I knew that this song didn’t have a Young Thug feature, but as soon as I heard him say that shit I was completely convinced that Young Thug was about to spit a verse. I wasn’t feelin’ Travis on this shit… Big Sean’s goin’ in now. His flow is all over the place. “Everybody want to be the realest / Boy it ain’t no nigga real as Emmett Till.” What the fuck? What does Emmett Till have to do with anything? He just brought Emmett Till for a single bar, and then didn’t say anything else about it. Of course he called Emmett Till a nigga too. Nah. I’m not feelin’ this shit. The verses are wack and the song is just boring as hell. This song is wack af to me. 1/5
Track 9: Happily Ever After
This was a pointless skit. I get that it was supposed to be funny and everything, but I coulda did without it. Shit like this rarely makes me crack a smile. The narrator just sounded bitter af about his girl rejecting him.
Track 10: You Could Be My Lover Feat. Ty$ & Gizzle (Prod. TM88)
“Lover?” Oh no. This isn’t gonna be good. I’m not really feelin’ this beat. Ty$ is on the hook. “Told her ‘you can’t be my girl, but you can be my lover.'” Wow. That is cornier than a motherfucker. If I was a girl and some asshole came up to me and said some shit like that, I would slap him so hard across the face that his top & bottom teeth would switch places. I’m not feelin’ this hook. Gizzle’s on the first verse. Gizzle is either a lesbian woman or a 14 year old boy. I’m not feelin’ her/his verse. “The Mona Lisa; oh now, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, girl / You’ve been a bad, bad, bad, bad girl.” I don’t know what the fuck the Mona Lisa has to do with anything. That verse was wack to me tho. I don’t like Gizzle’s voice. I’m just gonna go ahead and assume that he’s a 14 year old boy. He really sounds like he hasn’t hit puberty yet. Or maybe it really is a lesbian woman. I have no idea. I don’t like Gizzle tho. I’m not a fan. This is so boring. This isn’t good at all. What the fuck am I listening to right now? What? I’m not a fan of love songs unless they’re actually convincing, so yeah. This really isn’t for me. This is really wack to me. Why would you make a song like this? Is he seriously trying to get girls to fuck him because of his money? Did he really need to format this shit as a love song for that to happen? It’s not like he ever talks about anything else. I can’t make it through this shit… There isn’t a single thing that I like about this song. Y’all may think that I’m being harsh, but this is fucking horrible to me. This is dog shit to me. This is trash to me. 0/5
Track 11: Uptown Feat. Brucie B
This is just a skit of DJ Brucie B givin’ a shit load of shoutouts over the Paid In Full beat. Pointless.
Track 12: Money Ain’t A Problem Feat. French Montana (Prod. Harry Fraud)
Wow. This tape is really, really, really fucking bad so far. I’ve literally gotten one good song out of this shit, and I even had to edit that shit in GarageBand. Hopefully French Montana is only on the hook. Even if he is tho, it’s not like Puff Daddy will have a good verse. I mean, I know I shouldn’t judge this shit before listening to it, but there’s absolutely no reason for me to believe that this will be a good song, other than the Harry Fraud placement. A good beat doesn’t make a good song tho. Lemme just go ahead and listen to this bullshit… Wow. This beat actually isn’t as good as I thought it would be. This is pretty disappointing. I usually really like Harry Fraud. It’s not complete dog shit, but it’s just a little more simplistic than I was expecting it to be. This autotuned hook from French Montana sounds like a toilet being flushed. That’s not true at all. It doesn’t sound good tho. It sounds awful. Jesus Christ, that hook is bad. French Montana’s got the first verse. It’s not good. It’s not nearly as bad as most of his other verses tho. It’s bad, but it’s still better than I expected it to be. Puffy’s verse was wack too. This hook is so bad. This shit is so boring. I’m about to pass out. Wow. The song just ended. That was fucking horrible. I didn’t wanna have to do this, but goddamn. That song was wack af. I kept expecting a bridge or an outro or something to make this shit a little less wack, but it just ended. This song is horrible to me. It’s not complete dog shit. But it is wack af tho. 1/5
Track 13: Blow A Check (Remix) Feat. Zoey Dollaz & French Montana [Prod. Smash David]
Blow A Check is a song by Zoey Dollaz that I’ve never heard before. I don’t even know who Zoey Dollaz is. This mixtape is getting dangerously bad, so I’m kinda hoping that this song will be better than the others. I don’t want to have to give this mixtape a really bad score… Oh snap. I think I might actually like this beat. It sounded a little too simple at first, but once the percussion came in I kinda liked it. Wow. It is really repetitive. Maybe when the bass comes in that piano will fade into the background or something… Whatever. I like this beat. Kinda. It’s not horrible. I kinda like it. It definitely coulda been better tho. The hook is average. I kinda like this Zoey Dollaz. His lyrics are shit, but I like his delivery. This is one of them stupid ass Trap songs that is just so crazy and dumb that I like it. If I didn’t suck ass at drivin’ I would blast this shit in my car. HAHAHAHAHA. Wow. Diddy’s goin’ in now. This is so bad that I like it. HAHAHAHA. In the first four bars, every time Diddy said something all you would hear is some high-pitched voice in the background sayin’, “sheesh.” Kinda like Young Thug. Hahahaha. Is that Diddy makin’ that noise? The thought of his old ass actin’ dumb like that makes it so much funnier. Hahaha. This is really a bad song, but I’m enjoying it. Maybe I’m just delirious from all the garbage I just listened to. Hahahaha. Wow. He even kinda bites Silkk The Shocker’s off beat flow for the last part of the verse. HAhahahaha. This is so bad. I’m enjoying it tho. I didn’t even really even mind French’s verse. This isn’t a good song at all, but I can’t get mad at it. It’s so stupid that I can’t hate it. This is an alright song. 3/5
That shit was really, really, really, really, really wack. It just barely escaped being called wack af. I can’t do that tho. Puff Daddy can’t rap, so it makes sense that he would choose to have a lot of features on this bitch, but the thing is… A lot of the features are even worse than he is. I don’t know about y’all, but I’d rather listen to a solo P. Diddy song than a solo French Montana song, or a solo Big Sean song, or a solo Future song. Okay, probably not Future. And MAYBE not Big Sean. But I’d definitely rather hear a solo Puffy song than a solo French Montana song. Almost every verse on this mixtape is wack. I could probably count the good verses on one hand. The production seemed pretty cool at first, but it got old so quickly. I don’t know what it was about these beats, but they just didn’t hold my attention. Maybe it’s because the verses were so weak. This is some of the worst shit I’ve heard all year. Most of these features are awful. This shit is just so awful. Don’t listen to this shit if you want bars. Don’t listen to this shit if you want catchy hooks. Don’t listen to this shit if you want entertaining features. Don’t listen to this shit if you like want really dope beats. Just don’t listen to this shit. I can’t believe I just listened to this bullshit. This tape is so bad. I’m not fuckin’ with this wack ass shit. This wack ass shit is wack.
Favorite Song: Everyday
Least Favorite Song: All Or Nothing
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Your ex-girlfriend looks like J -low