Album Review | Various Artists – Southpaw (Music From & Inspired By The Motion Picture)

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I’m just gonna warn y’all right now; I don’t expect to like the majority of this shit. There’s gotta be at least one song on here that I like tho. I fuck with Slaughterhouse. EMINƎM is a good rapper, but I can’t get behind a lot of the music he releases. I probably wouldn’t be doing this shit if it weren’t for Slaughterhouse. I doubt all of the music on here is Hip Hop, so that might be a problem. I didn’t see the movie and I have no interest in it. I’m not much of a movie guy in the first place. I’m not sure if every song on here was specifically created for this album. Actually, I just checked the tracklist and it’s pretty obvious that that isn’t the case. I really doubt that Biggie Smalls could’ve predicted this movie’s existence. Highly unlikely. Not impossible tho… The tracklist actually looks pretty goddamn good tho. It looks like it’s just R&B & Hip Hop, so that’s good. This might not be as bad as I thought.

Track 1: Cry For Love, Pt. 1 (Performed by James Horner)

I have no idea who James Horner is. There are no production credits, so I’m assuming he’s a composer or something. Fuck. Why the fuck can’t I listen to it? Apple Music is starting to piss me the fuck off. Why are some songs greyed out? I can’t fucking listen to it. It must be one of them “album only” tracks. That’s fucking annoying. I’m streaming the whole album. I apparently can’t do that. Fuck. The shit isn’t even on YouTube. Fuck. You know, the effort that I put into finding a way to listen to what’s probably gonna be nothing but an instrumental intro is just preposterous. Maybe I should sign up for Spotify. Oh shit. I already had an account. I must’ve signed up for this shit a while ago because I don’t remember ever using this shit. Hahahaha. For the date of birth I said I was born in 1900. I’m 115 years old on Spotify. How do I use this shit? Oh. I didn’t know I had to click on “Web Player.” That’s stupid. Apple Music is better. Except some of the fucking songs are greyed out and I can’t fucking listen to them. The icon for Soul music on Spotify is a black woman with natural hair and big hoop earrings. Ok, lemme stop dickin’ around and search for the album. Are you… FUCKING kidding me? It’s greyed the fuck out on Spotify. Shit. You know what? I’m just gonna delay this review. I’m not doing this shit until I get a new computer. Maybe the shit will be available by then. I hope.


Goddamn. It’s been over four months and I’m just now getting back to this review. Better late than never I guess… Okay, it’s starting now. I just listened to the whole track. It was cool. I don’t know why anyone would wanna hear this shit outside of a movie, but it does it’s job well I guess. I’m just gonna go ahead and say it; this was not worth the four month wait. It’s not a full song, so I can’t give it a rating. I’m indifferent towards it anyway. I could see why it would be good for the actual movie, but for an album, this was unnecessary.

Track 2: Kings Never Die (Performed by EMINƎM) Feat. Gwen Stefani [Prod. DJ Khalil & EMINƎM]

eminem-kings-never-die

Oh my God. EMINƎM & Gwen Stefani? What the fuck? This isn’t gonna be good… Why the fuck does this song exist?? Seriously, who the fuck wanted a EMINƎM & Gwen Stefani collaboration? Goddamnit. Alright. Lemme just get this bullshit over with. It’s starting now. Oh God. I can already tell I’m not gonna like this shit. I don’t wanna hear Gwen Stefani singing over an electric guitar. I hate electric guitars. This is really not for me… I like EMINƎM, but when he’s on some corny shit like this… I can’t do it. His flow is cool, but everything else about this verse is the opposite of cool. The only inspirational EMINƎM song I can handle is Lose Yourself. It really feels like he’s just tryin’ to recreate that song here. Except it’s just not good. The beat is wack to me. I don’t like guitars and that’s pretty much 90% of what this beat is. You know what? I don’t like Gwen Stefani, but she honestly didn’t sound that bad here. If I was into this kinda music I might like her part. I’m not into this kinda music tho. This song is corny as fuck and honestly EMINƎM seems old af on this song. “I know shit has changed in this age, fuck a Twitter page / Did it just say I’ve been upstaged? Why am I online? It’s driving me crazy.” Did he really just ask us why he’s online? I don’t know motherfucker, you tell me. This isn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I still can’t fuck with this shit tho. It’s corny. Especially the parts where Em starts singing. That’s fucking awful. This shit is wack to me. Why the fuck is this song so long? Off to a rough start. 2/5

Track 3: Beast (Performed by Rob Bailey & The Hustle Standard) Feat. Busta Rhymes, Crooked I & Tech N9ne [Prod. Charley Hustle & DJ Khalil]

Goddamn. Those features are lookin’ pretty damn good. I’m not sure who Rob Bailey & The Hustle Standard are tho… This is apparently a remix to the original version of Beast. This cover art for the original song has me worried…

rob-bailey-the-hustle-standard-cover

Jesus Christ. Just look at those guys. LOOK AT THIS!!! Screen Shot 2015-12-24 at 10.26.30 PM.png

Alright… Again, I guess I shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover… I’m sure the featured verses will be good. Okay, It’s starting now. Oh no… Is this what I fucking think it is? Oh no… I should’ve seen this coming from that Tech N9ne feature… It’s a fucking EDM track. NOOOO! That hook was fucking God awful too. “I’M A MOTHERFUCKING BEAAAAST!” Nah. Okay, Busta Rhymes killed that shit. That was dope. He had a dope verse. This fucking hook tho… and this beat… I pretty much hate everything except the verses. I don’t want to hear these guys screaming they asses off about being a beast. This isn’t good. HAHAHAHA. This Rob Bailey motherfucker just said “FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING BEAST.” Hahahaha. This is terrible. I’m not into heavy metal or any shit like that, so I don’t like hearing motherfuckers scream as hard as they can right in my fuckn’ ear. That’s not cool. I am not a fan of that kinda shit. Crooked’s about to go in tho. Jesus. Crooked murdered that shit. Goddamn. The verses are great, but everything else is absolutely terrible. I cannot take this hook. Nah. I just listened to Tech’s verse. He killed it, but nah. That shit can’t save this shit. This would’ve been dogshit without the dope verses. It’s wack af with them tho. 1/5

Track 4: This Corner (Performed by Mr. Porter) [Prod. EMINƎM, L. Resto & Mr. Porter]

This should be good. I’m not really that familiar with D12, but what little I’ve heard from them has been pretty good. There are thankfully zero wack features, so this track might actually end up being dope. This beat is alright. It’s not bad. I wasn’t expecting much since EMINƎM is a pretty mediocre producer. Damn… This shit is pretty corny too. I mean, this is honestly on par with that EMINƎM track in terms of corniness. I guess that makes sense for a movie like this… I don’t know. I’m personally not feelin’ this shit. Mr. Porter’s really not that good of a singer. He’s not terrible, but it’s really not that good. The second verse was kinda cool. Not feelin’ the hook. Not feelin’ the first & third verses. Not feelin’ the song. It’s probably the best song out of all of these so far, but it’s still wack to me. 2/5

Track 5: What About The Rest Of Us? (Performed by Action Bronson) Feat. Joey Bada$$ & Rico Love [Prod. Rico Love & Kasanova]

Okay, this should be dope. Honestly, if I don’t end up liking this song I’m gonna be worried. It’s starting now. This beat is pretty dope. You don’t usually hear Action rap over beats like this, so that’s cool. This is actually pretty good so far. Action’s first verse was dope. Rico’s on the hook. The “rest of us” that the title is referring to are the poor. Well, maybe not poor, but those that aren’t wealthy. Rico did his thing on the hook. Joey’s verse was dope too. Coulda did without the “lyrical miracle” line, but other than that it was good. Wow. Thank God. I was really gettin’ worried for a minute. Finally. A decent song. This shit is dope. Both MCs had dope verses, and Rico did his thing on the hook & bridge. I fuck with this song. This is dope. 4/5

Track 6: Raw (Performed by Bad Meets Evil) [Prod. Sarom & CertiFYD]

This should be dope too. Royce Da 5’9″ is a great MC. The same obviously goes for Em. This beat is dope af. Coulda did without the electric guitar, but it’s still dope. Royce went in. I coulda did without the sing songy delivery, but it was still dope. The hook is alright. Royce is singing, and it doesn’t sound very good. That kinda brought it down for me. It wasn’t terrible tho. It’s not like he was tryna hit a note or anything. It just wasn’t that good. His verse was dope tho. EMINƎM is goin’ in right now. Jesus Christ. This shit is disgusting… “‘Nother fucking nut we’ll make a tub of truffle butter / I’mma take this chubby; shove it up that nice round little bubble butt / Make it double stuffed; pull it out one hole put it in the other one / Make a peanut butter cup, bust.” Good lord. That’s like, Tech N9ne levels of vulgarity. You know what? Honestly… I didn’t really like Em’s verse. He was just talkin’ about how he’s finna fuck this chick with his gigantic penis. I don’t wanna hear about that shit. I mean, I normally don’t mind shit like that, but this shit was unnecessarily in-depth. It was a bit much for me. That’s a personal problem tho. I wasn’t feelin’ the verse. Royce was alright tho. I don’t know. I don’t think it’s a bad song, but it just isn’t really doin’ much for me… I guess it’s alright. 3/5

Track 7: R.N.S. (Performed by Slaughterhouse) [Prod. AraabMUZIK & Just Blaze]

RNS

This should be dope. AraabMUZIK & Just Blaze are great producers, and everyone already knows that Slaughterhouse can all rap they ass off. Okay it’s starting now. This beat is cool I guess. I’m finna be honest, I expected more from an AraabMUZIK & Just Blaze collaboration. It’s still cool tho. The hook’s alright. Joell did his thing on the first verse. You can tell that this beat was made for a movie soundtrack. I can’t see this beat randomly being made for a regular Hip Hop album. Budden’s verse was cool. Crooked I had the best verse in my opinion, but that might have something to do with there being NO ROYCE DA 5’9″ VERSE. Seriously, what the fuck? This is basically just a Joell Ortiz song featuring Joe Budden & Crooked I. It’s not Slaugherhouse to me unless all four of ’em are here. It’s a dope song. I just feel like I wouldn’t ever wanna hear this again. The beat is really… I don’t know. It sounds really commercialized. That’s just me tho. I know a lot of people really like this beat. It’s a dope song tho. I fuck with it. The replay value just isn’t really there. I don’t know if I should call this dope or average… Fuck it. I’ll go easy on ’em. It’s dope. Actually, you know what? I’m not being real with y’all. I’m really not feelin’ this song that much. I don’t think it’s bad, but I really didn’t enjoy it that much. The verses weren’t bad, but you can tell that they weren’t trying their hardest. This song just really isn’t doing much for me. It’s alright. The music video’s average too. 3/5

Track 8: Wicked Games (Performed by The Weeknd) [Prod. Doc McKinney & Illangelo]

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Wicked Games? Didn’t this song come out like a million years ago? …Yeah, this shit came out in 2012. It was on his House of Balloons album. I like The Weeknd, but I don’t really listen to R&B that much. If it comes on and I think it’s dope, I’ll listen to it, but I don’t go out and search for new R&B music like I do for Hip Hop. I like The Weeknd tho. I’m not gonna do R&B reviews by the way, so don’t ask for them. Maybe if I get another writer for this website someday, (s)he could review R&B records, but I’m gonna stick to Hip Hop. I’ll review this song tho. Okay, it’s starting now. Oh, I’ve heard this song before. It was a long time ago tho. The beat’s dope. The Weeknd’s singin’ his ass off. This is honestly the best song on the project so far. Why did I decide to review this bullshit? Fuck. I don’t have much to say about this shit. If you’re a fan of The Weeknd there’s really no reason for you to dislike this. If you don’t like The Weeknd you won’t like this. I fuck with it tho. It’s dope af. The music video is kinda awkward tho. I mean, they have this chick dancing for almost 30 straight seconds. Just look at her face tho. She looks disgusted. It’s making me uncomfortable. The music video is underwhelming. 5/5

Track 9: All I Think About (Performed by Bad Meets Evil) [Prod. EMINƎM & L. Resto]

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I would normally be excited about a Bad Meets Evil song, but after that last one, I’m not so sure anymore. Hopefully Em doesn’t fuck this shit up again. Okay, Royce is goin’ in first. The beat’s cool. Not anything special, but it’s not bad. Damn. Okay, they’re actually kinda goin’ in on this one. This is definitely a more serious track than Raw. They’re talkin’ about killin’ motherfuckers and bein’ the best. This is actually pretty dope. Em’s goin’ in now. They both have kind of a laid back delivery, but they still sound kind of aggressive at the same time. They both sound like they’re one step away from goin’ the fuck off on somebody. Goddamn. Em actually killed that verse. He spazzed on that shit. This is really dope. The beat’s cool. The hook is too. Goddamn. They’re both really goin’ in on this shit. EMINƎM kinda stole the show. It’s only because he has longer verses tho. They both killed it. If Royce rapped as much on this shit as Em did then he’d probably have killed it just as much. This shit is dope af. This is way better than that Raw track. This shit blows that the fuck outta the water. This shit is dope af to me. I definitely fuck with this. 5/5

Track 10: Drama Never Ends (Performed by 50 Cent) [Prod. Frank Dukes]

drama-never-ends

Wow. I’m not really sure what to expect. 50 Cent’s been kinda wack lately. I still think he has the ability to kill shit, but it hasn’t happened in a long ass time. I’m worried about this shit. I like Frank Dukes, but I’m cautious about this. It’s starting now. This hook is alright I guess. It’s not good. It’s not that bad tho. Damn. He’s goin’ in now, and it’s actually not that bad. This is actually kinda hard. “I’ll hunt you like a great dane / Hit you, hit you like a freight train / Run off with your fake chains.” Those lines aren’t actually that hard, but the way he says it makes it sound gangsta as fuck. “I punch every nigga first I had a fight with / Maybe it’s genetics, mama made me like this / Cocaine baby, problem child, half crazy.” It’s not amazing or anything; it’s just a lot better than I expected it to be. He actually has some lines in here that are hard as fuck. “Big strap for robberies with my little 380 / I’ll make your little lady miscarry a baby / You leave the scene unseen when I get to trippin’ / Pistol whip your head hard enough to blur your vision.” I actually fuck with this shit. The beat’s nothing special, and the hook could be better, but 50 was actually kinda spittin’. I like this shit. That was a pleasant surprise. I really didn’t expect this to be this good. Thank God. Thank God this shit isn’t wack. Not to me at least. I fuck with this shit. This is dope to me. 4/5

Track 11: Mode (Performed by PRhyme) Feat. Logic

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Okay, this shit is about to be fucking great. This was the main reason I chose to listen to this shit. DJ Premier, Royce Da 5’9″ & Logic all on one track. You can’t go wrong with a line up like that. It’s starting now. This beat is dope af. Royce is goin’ first. Goddamn. He’s goin’ the fuck in. He just bragged about spooning with a Lucy Liu look alike. That was a little weird. It never sounds right when rappers brag about cuddling with women. It’s hard to sound cool when you say some shit like that. He killed his verse tho. He went in. The hook’s cool. He’s just rappin’ about bein’ in “beast mode.” Logic’s goin’ in now. Jesus Christ. His flow was crazy. I feel like Royce had the better verse in terms of lyrics, but Logic definitely came out on top if we’re talkin’ about flow. That’s crazy. The song is just about 3 minutes, but it still feels kinda short. I feel like they both could’ve gone in for another verse. That shit was dope tho. I don’t know. I think the song is dope af, but I just wish it was longer. Should I take a point off for that? Yeah… I think I will honestly… Actually… Nah. I’m not gonna take a point off for that. Honestly, this track is better than All I Think About, even if it does feel short. This shit is dope af to me. 5/5

Track 12: Notorious Thugs (Performed by The Notorious B.I.G.) Feat. Bone Thugs-N-Harmony [Prod. Stevie J & Puff Daddy]

Fuck, man. I kinda wanna save my thoughts on this track for the Biggie Marathon… This is the first track from the second disc of Life After Death. FUCK. I guess I could give y’all a preview of my thoughts on this track. I’m just gonna be super vague on this one. The intro is smooth af. The beat’s dope af. Biggie’s verse is fucking great. Bizzy’s verse was dope. Krayzie Bone’s verse was dope. Layzie Bone’s verse was dope. Flesh-N-Bone & Wish Bone didn’t have any verses, which is disappointing. Every MC killed it, but Biggie easily had the best verse. It’s dope af tho. I fuck with this. 5/5

Track 13: Phenomenal (Performed by EMINƎM) [Prod. EMINƎM & L. Resto]

Eminem - Phenomenal (Single)

I haven’t heard this song yet, but from what I’ve seen & heard about it, it seems like it’s gonna be another one of them corny ass inspirational songs, like Kings Never Die. Alright, it’s starting now. Oh God… What the fuck is this shit? Why is… Why is he yelling like that? What is this? This hook is awful. “I AM PHENOMENAL!” Nah… I am not feelin’ this hook at all. He’s singin’ and it honestly wouldn’t be that bad if he wasn’t constantly yellin’ “I AM PHENOMENAL!” That shit’s annoying as fuck. Also, I wasn’t feelin’ those female vocals that came in towards the end. The hook is just not for me. I’m not feelin’ the hook at all. Em’s flow on this first verse is fuckin’ great. Honestly, the shit he’s rapping about isn’t for me, but I could tolerate it if the hook wasn’t so bad because his flow is great here. The way he started the verse off with “Unstoppable / unpoppable thought bubbles / Untoppable thoughts, fuckin’ juggernaut that’ll stomp you in a verse / Obstacles I’m drawn to ’em,” was great. I liked the verse. I just can’t get behind this hook. The beat’s pretty wack too. The rhyme schemes that he’s usin’ at the beginning of the second verse are dope af, but something about the way he’s tryna ride the beat just feels off. Maybe it’s because the drums hadn’t come in at that point. It almost sounded like he was off beat or like he was stumbling over his words. This bridge with the female vocals is horrible. I am not feelin’ that shit at all. I don’t know. I liked the verses, but the fuckin’ hook & the beat & even the bridge were all pretty bad. It’s not for me. I can’t fuck with this shit. This shit is wack to me. The music video was stupid as fuck, but I enjoyed it. At least it was different, ya know? I can’t fuck with the song tho… 2/5

Track 14: Cry For Love, Pt. 2 (Performed by James Horner)

My thoughts on this are pretty much exactly the same as my thoughts on the first one. I have no reason to listen to this track outside of this review. Why the fuck would anyone wanna hear this shit outside of the movie? I know I wouldn’t… I’m not gonna give it a score tho because it isn’t a full song.

Final Thoughts:

That shit was alright I guess… I you only wanna hear new music, then I would steer clear of this project honestly. This shit would’ve been worse if it weren’t for the older tracks like Notorious Thugs & Wicked Games. That fuckin’ Rob Bailey & The Grand Hustle track was horrible. This shit started out terribly. The first half of this album is fucking God awful. They kinda brought it back up by the second half tho. If you’re a fan of corny motivational EMINƎM songs, then I feel like you would enjoy this shit a lot more than I did. It’s a movie soundtrack. This is pretty average for a movie soundtrack. You can tell that some of these songs were produced with the movie in mind. I personally won’t be coming back to this shit a lot, but I guess if you REALLY like EMINƎM & Shady Records and you have a lot of time on your hands, then this soundtrack is worth givin’ a shot. I feel like most people should just pretend it doesn’t exist tho. That’s probably what I should’ve done.

Favorite Song: Notorious Thugs (My favorite new song was Mode tho…)

Least Favorite Song: Beast

Verdict:

68%

MEH

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