Half Assed TV Show Review | One Shot – Episode 1: The Atlanta Auditions

I’m currently watching the first episode of this “One Shot” show that Crooked I has on BET. It seems kinda lame so far, but we’ll see what happens. It’s pretty much just a Rap version of American Idol. Some guy named Boston B.U.F.F. is goin’ in now. Uhh… Okay, he just got off the stage. Now some chick named Ray Best is goin’ in. Lmao. She’s terrible. Wow. This is kinda hard to watch. Jesus. The cringe… This is REALLY hard to watch. HAHAHAHA. Wow. This is actually kinda entertaining. Woooow. These people are REALLY bad. HAHAHA. “This is the hook ’cause I said so / This is the hook ’cause I said so / This is the hook ’cause I said so.” Are these motherfuckers serious? Did this fool really think this shit was good? Wooow. This is so fucking difficult to watch. I feel bad for these wack ass rappers embarrassing themselves on TV. This lady is rapping about “I need a taco.” Her name is Sponjetta. Lmao. I don’t know if that’s really how you spell it. Sway’s narration is hilarious. Sway Calloway is basically this show’s version of Ryan Seacrest. Wow. I’m actually kinda enjoying this. Man, I would not be able to be a judge for this show. I would just be cringing way too hard. They just said that this chick named Karamel Kittyy was dope. She wasn’t tho… So far every single rapper on the show has been really bad. Damn… This is kinda… Oh, wow there’s a trans rapper who’s about to go in. This is really making me sad. I hope she isn’t wack. The judges are Crooked I, King Tech, and some white guy. I don’t know who the white guy is. I didn’t catch his name. Okay, the commercial break is on now. Well, this is definitely entertaining I guess. I just hope they actually find someone dope. I guess I would be too harsh to be a judge. I remember when Crooked I announced this show on Sway In The Morning like a year ago. I kinda forgot about it after that ’cause nobody was talkin’ about it. Okay, the show’s back on. The trans rapper is named Publicity. Damn. She’s actually not that bad. I mean, she’s not really that good either, but she’s definitely the best on the show so far. I guess that’s not really saying much. Oh my God, this Cobe High dude is making me cringe so hard. He kinda looks like a white Danny Brown. I guess he wasn’t too bad. His delivery and fast flow just made me cringe so hard… Why the fuck is this show making me cringe so much? Are these rappers really as bad as I think they are? This Lord Owen guy is actually pretty dope. He’s definitely my favorite on the show so far. It sucks that they have to take into account the “marketability” of each rapper, but I get why they have to do that. Oh shit, I guess I should mention that whoever is chosen as the best rapper on this show wins 100,000 dollars and a record deal with SMH records. Okay, they’re choosing the best 6 rappers now. Boston B.U.F.F., Mr. 88, Publicity, Lord Owen, Doja & Karamel Kittyy. Honestly I feel like even I could’ve made it on this show because a lot of these rappers are pretty wack. I’m not a rapper tho. Damn. One of the locations that they held auditions in was Charlotte. I should’ve gone. Lmao. Nah, I would’ve been too nervous. That’s probably why a lot of these rappers were so bad too. Out of the ones they chose, I think Lord Owen is definitely the best. Okay, the second round is about to start. Now the 6 rappers that they chose are performing in front of an actual crowd. There are some additional judges now too. They got DJ Drama & T.I. for this one. Okay, now they’re actually rapping over beats instead of performing a cappella verses. Doja’s goin’ in first. This is so much less cringy when there’s a beat. Doja did her thing I guess. T.I. liked it. King Tech was disappointed because she didn’t sing at all like she did before. DJ Drama thought everything was cool except the lyrics I think. Okay, Boston B.U.F.F. is about to go in now. He actually seems pretty cool. His flow is way too slow over this beat tho. The lyrics are pretty damn generic too… Nah… I’m not really feelin’ this one. Lmao. T.I. was pretty harsh. He was bein’ real tho. I think Mr. 88 is about to go in now. Woooow. Fuck. He choked as soon as the beat dropped… Wow. This is REALLY hard to watch. LMAO T.I. is a savage judge. He tore Mr. 88 apart. Damn. HAHAHA. DJ Drama said the same shit he said about Doja. Publicity is next. I hope T.I. doesn’t say some transphobic shit. Uh oh… Nah… Wow. This has ALL been bad so far. Well, I guess Doja wasn’t bad. Why does Publicity’s voice sound like that? Is that ’cause she’s nervous? Her voice is trembling so much… She sounds like a fuckin’ goat. Oh wooow… She just explained that she has “laryngitis, sinusitis & tonsillitis.” She probably should’ve mentioned that before they chose her as one of the best rappers… LMAO. T.I. is the realest judge in this show. HAHAHA. This show is making me like T.I. even more than I did before. He’s definitely the best judge. I’m probably just saying that since he’s saying every thing I’m thinking. Karamel Kittyy has a mask just like MF DOOM. It looks more like a ski mask tho. Okay, she just ripped the mask off… She’s definitely one of the best so far. Man, T.I. is speaking the truth right now. Alright, Lord Owen’s about to go in now. Yeah, he’s definitely the best. He told the DJ to cut the beat off and now he’s goin’ in a cappella. T.I. agrees that Lord Owen was the best one. Okay, now Sway, King Tech, Crooked I, and the white judge are all sitting at a table discussing what happened. I guess they’re trying to decide who to get rid of. This white guy judge really seems like the stereotypical, rich, white, corrupt, money obsessed businessman. He said at the beginning of the show that his main focus was marketability. It’s clear as day that he doesn’t care about Hip Hop like the other judges do. He gave a pass to Mr. 88 for choking because he thinks he’s a “superstar.” Wooow. Of course he dislikes the best contestant, Lord Owen… See, this is why I could never be a part of something like this. I don’t give a shit about how much money I think a rapper can make. If you’re a rapper, you should be able to rap well. That’s the only thing I care about. Okay, now they’re video chatting with each contestant. Oh wow… They’re only choosing TWO rappers… I guess they’re doing 2 from each city. Okay, they chose Lord Owen as one of the rappers from Atlanta. Thank God. They chose Doja too. Okay, the shit just ended. Oh cool the next episode is in Charlotte. Oh, WHAT THE FUCK? RZA WAS A JUDGE IN CHARLOTTE? WHAAT? Wow. That’s fucking awesome. Yeah, I’m glad I didn’t try to be in this shit lmao. I don’t need my confidence destroyed by embarrassing myself in front of the RZA on TV. I wouldn’t wanna be a rapper anyway. I would’ve gotten up on that stage and promoted this blog like a jackass. Anyway, that was actually kinda cool. Obviously when you have shows like this there’s gonna be a lot of cringe worthy shit, but as a hardcore Hip Hop nerd, I found it entertaining for the most part. I don’t really have any problems with the show itself. I mean, I know I shat all over that white judge, but I understand why he was there. Oh shit I forgot I had to rate this shit… Uhh… I mean, I’ll definitely check out the next episode just ’cause the RZA’s in it and it’s in Charlotte, but I don’t know if I’ll stick around for the whole season. I guess if they have good judges in each location that’ll keep it entertaining. T.I. was awesome on this show. I just can’t see myself coming back for every single episode. I don’t know. I might keep checking it out if I have nothing better to do… Oh, by the way, in the title of this review where it says “Half Assed TV Show Review,” I’m not saying that the show was half assed. I’m saying that this review was half assed. I just thought I should clear that up…

Verdict:

69%

60-69

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2 comments

  1. i think this show sucks dick- and so do all of the judges. im saying that because i auditioned in charlotte and made it past the initial preliminary round- and spit some hard ass bars for the judges, which were way harder than the rest of the so called “competition” but they still didnt pick me to be in the finals. maybe cuz im a white dude that does mostly rock music that wore eyeliner and black nail polish and doesnt really have alot of hip hop influences….i dug my own grave i guess. but i bet if i wore a hat to the side and a big fatass chain around my neck and said wu tang clan influenced me to rap, lol, i woulda been a shoe in. but fuck wu tang and rza and whoever the fuck else is judging this shit. ive been doing music for 13 years strong- writing and recording amazing music of all genres. they fucked up. but its all good. -Mike Bontempi

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