Album Review | Tory Lanez – I Told You

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This album was released on August 19th this year. Alright, where the fuck do I even begin with this project? Ummm… Well, I pretty much explained my history with Tory Lanez when I reviewed The New Toronto. Lemme just go ahead and get it outta the way; at this point, it’s pretty much impossible to talk about Tory Lanez without bringing up Drake. Tory Lanez has seemingly always been on Drake’s nuts. I personally prefer Tory’s music over Drake’s, but as a personality he’s just as, if not MORE annoying than Drake. I don’t know why or how, but pretty much anything this motherfucker does pisses me the hell off. Maybe it’s a Toronto thing. They both just seem like HUGE douchebags to me. That’s not why I brought up Drake tho. I shouldn’t even have to explain this shit; if you know anything about Tory you should know why I mentioned Drake. He’s basically trying to replace Drake. He’s always talking about how he wants to be number 1, so he’s trying to knock Drake outta that spot. He thinks he can beat Drake by doing Drake better than Drake does Drake. Nah. Nah, man. He’s not doing this right. If he doesn’t stop ridin’ Drake’s nuts, he’s just gonna be a joke. He kinda already is. He’ll most likely be remembered as a Drake clone. He always gets pissed off in interviews when people bring up Drake, which pisses me the fuck off. Like, seriously what the fuck does this fool expect? It’s like a less extreme version of the Future-Desiigner situation. He owes a lot of his success to another man. I mean, there’s a reason I’ve said Drake’s name more than Tory’s in his own review. People wouldn’t be talking about Tory Lanez as much as they are right now if he didn’t diss Drake. And yes, he did diss Drake. The disses are somewhat subtle, but he clearly doesn’t like Drake. Well, I can’t even say that… He has some kinda problem with Drake. It’s just a weird obsession I guess. Anyway, I don’t think I’m gonna like this album. I know I heard at least one of the singles, and I wasn’t really feelin’ it. I’m sure there’ll be at least one song on here that I really fuck with. Oh, maybe I should also mention that Frank Ocean’s album came out on the same day as this project. That’s why you probably haven’t seen or heard anyone else talking about. Anyway, every song is produced by Play Picasso, except where noted.

Track 1: I Told You / Another One (Co-Prod. Lavish & Tory Lanez)

Man… I… I kinda don’t wanna listen to this album… Whatever. It’s only 14 tracks. I’m sure it won’t take too long, and I doubt that it’ll be really bad. Ugh… This iTunes update is fucking awful by the way. I hate it so much. They got rid of the cool backgrounds for the albums. That was the coolest thing about iTunes. Now everything is white and way too big. Alright, this song is starting now. What the fuck… Oh God… Nnnnah… This dramatic intro skit is way too hard to take seriously. This is corny as fuck. Alright, the actual song is starting now. I guess he’s gonna be telling his whole life story with this album. Jeez… Alright, whatever. I’m not really feelin’ this beat. What the hell is that in the background? Is that a fuckin’ organ? Or is that a weird sounding synth? It’s annoying as fuck. I guess the beat wouldn’t actually be bad without that. That really ruined this shit tho. This first verse is alright I guess. At first he was rapping about the rougher aspects of his teenage life, such as his mom passing away and being virtually homeless; however, after the first 8 or so bars he starts rambling about… uh… big time. “Big time, big time / Ring so swole you would think it did time / Swear I told you niggas for the 5th time / Ima get mine / Yeah, I got a ring so big; call the shit big time.” Nah. I feel pretty comfortable calling those lines struggle bars. That shit was wack. I’m not feelin’ the first verse. Oh. I guess I Told You just ended. I think Another One is starting now. Wooow. He’s singing the same melody from Diego. I feel like this is the third or fourth time I’ve heard him sing this melody. This is… I don’t know. I’m definitely enjoying Another One more than I Told You. It’s somewhat entertaining sonically, but aside from that this isn’t really for me. I like his flow. I guess this is actually pretty good as far as mainstream Hip Hop goes, but I’m not really into this personally. I’d definitely take this over a lot of other popular shit. Well, I guess I can’t really call this popular… It’s pretty obvious that he’s targeting a mainstream audience tho. If this came on the radio I probably wouldn’t be in a rush to turn it off, but I wouldn’t ever come back to this intentionally. It’s decent I guess. I Told You was pretty bad, but Another One is definitely better. I wouldn’t come back to either of these songs tho. Oh shit. The beat just switched up. Huh… Maybe THIS is Another One, and what I just heard was the second part of I Told You. Okay, I guess I Told You wasn’t that bad. The first part was wack tho. The beat to Another One is definitely better in my opinion. I’m still not crazy about it tho. Meh. It’s just another typical Tory Lanez verse. It’s better than anything Drake is spittin’ at this point in his career. You can tell Tory Lanez is actually trying, unlike Drake. Oh. There was only one verse on Another One. It’s over. This track is over 8 minutes long. Okay, there’s another skit at the end. Nah. I can tell from this skit that I’m not gonna be feelin’ the next track. This track in particular wasn’t really bad, but I definitely didn’t really like it. I think his target audience will eat this shit up, but it didn’t really do shit for me. 3/5

Track 2: Guns & Roses (Co-Prod. Two Inch Punch, Noah Breakfast, Matti Free & Tory Lanez)

Alright, this is only the second track and he’s already hitting us with a super sappy love song. This is just a straight up R&B song. I think he sounds pretty good singing even tho you can tell there’s a fuck load of autotune on his voice. This track is 4 minutes long. Woooow. Every single track on this album is more than 3 minutes long. Fuck everything. Tory’s voice is so heavily edited that I can’t even make out the words he’s saying. There are so many effects on his vocals. I think the production on this track is actually pretty good. This really isn’t a bad song. It’s not my cup of tea, but I think it’s decent. I don’t really listen to that much R&B. This isn’t a song that I’d come back to. It’s just not for me. I don’t really know shit when it comes to R&B, so I don’t really feel comfortable recommending this song to anyone who may be into the genre. All I know is that I personally don’t really dislike the song. I definitely don’t really like it either tho. It’s alright. Yikes. There’s another cringe worthy skit with shitty acting at the end. I hope every track isn’t like that… 3/5

Track 3: Flex (Co-Prod. Lavish, XXYYXX & Tory Lanez)

The way these tracks segue into each other is actually really seamless. This beat is dope. This is another R&B song. The hook is pretty goddamn good. I fuck with this hook. It’s really catchy. Is this… Am I about to listen to an R&B album? I hope not… iTunes has this album classified as Hip-Hop/Rap. I think they also had Speedin’ Bullet 2 Heaven classified as Hip Hop tho, so they aren’t exactly the most reliable source. Hmmm… Do I like this song? The beat is dope, and the hook is catchy af. That’s pretty much it tho. I enjoyed this enough for me to call it dope. I don’t know how often I’ll be coming back to this tho… Fuck, man… You know what? If this track doesn’t have a long ass corny ass skit at the end, then I’ll be willing to keep this shit in my iTunes library. I’m trying really hard to convince myself not to delete this shit. Oh gawd… “Yo man, I ain’t NEVA been to a party like that in my life, man. Yo, the way we pulled up in that bitch? Shit was CRAZY, my nigga.” HELL no. This shit is lame as fuck. He sounds like a fuckin’ douche. I don’t know why everything he does makes me so angry. I just can’t relate to him in any possible way. I don’t think we’d get along in real life. Anyway, this song was cool, but, again, I probably wouldn’t ever put this shit on intentionally. However, if it happened to be playing in the background for whatever reason, I wouldn’t really mind it. It’s just not something I’m interested in returning to. 3/5

Track 4: To D.R.E.A.M. (Co-Prod. Happy Perez, Two Inch Punch & Tory Lanez)

Man… Should I even be reviewing this? Nobody seems to give a shit about this project, and I feel like this is gonna be mostly R&B. Well, to be fair, I reviewed Views, and that was barely a Hip Hop album. This song is starting now. This beat is pretty dope. He’s actually rapping on this track. Those looped background vocals are pretty damn annoying, but I guess it’s not that big of a deal. Tory’s flow on the first verse was dope. I’m not in love with the hook. The melody kinda reminds me of Traphouse. The second verse was cool. His flow got kinda shaky towards the end, but it smoothed out after a few more bars. I actually like this one. The beat is cool, and his flow was really nice. I don’t think the replay value on this track is that high, but I definitely enjoyed this enough to not delete it. It ends with another corny skit, but I can easily edit it out with GarageBand. This song is dope to me. 4/5

Track 5: 4 AM Flex (Co-Prod. Romero)

This beat is alright I guess. A lot of the beats sound pretty similar so far. It’s typical bassy, loud mainstream Trap inspired production. It’s a Trap Drake beat. He’s doin’ that half assed singing thing that Drake likes to do. I’m not feelin’ it. This is clearly a concept album, but the story is told more in the long ass skits than in the songs. Tory & his homie broke into some motherfucker’s house and robbed him at 3 AM, so now they’re celebrating at 4 AM. I would’ve much preferred a song about actually breaking into the guys house rather than just the aftermath. It’s not like we don’t already have a fuck ton of songs from Tory Lanez about “flexing.” Okay, there was a skit in the middle of this track. I guess the guy whose house was being robbed woke up. They almost got caught. Now a different beat just came on. What the fuck? What… This fool REALLY just copied the fuck outta Kendrick Lamar. This is a remake of The Art Of Peer Pressure. The beat is similar. He’s using the same flow. He even started the verse by saying “me and the homie.” Tory Lanez has to be one of the most unoriginal motherfuckers in Hip Hop right now. This is ridiculous. I mean, the verse was pretty good I guess. I’d just much rather listen to Kendrick’s song tho. Tory Lanez is a talented biter. He did it well. Not well enough for me to wanna hear this more than The Art Of Peer Pressure tho. If it wasn’t for Desiigner, this would be some of the most blatant biting I’ve seen in a long time. Of course the track ends with a long ass skit too. Nah. I’m not feelin’ this. This is wack. 2/5

Track 6: Friends With Benefits (Co-Prod. Tory Lanez, Happy Perez & Frank Dukes)

Nah… I’m not feelin’ this hook. “I wanna get them draws from ya.” The melody is repetitive as hell. I guess this is gonna be another R&B song. This static sound effect is annoying as hell. What the hell… Did… Did this motherfucker really sample We’ll Be Fine by Drake? This fool must REALLY want his listeners to think that they’re listening to Drake. This beat is annoying as hell. I’m not feelin’ this song at all. This is wack. I don’t really have much to say. I don’t like anything about this song. The production is annoying to me, the subject matter is really uninteresting, and Tory’s singing isn’t doing anything for me. The only thing I liked is that there wasn’t a skit at the end. This is wack to me. 2/5

Track 7: Cold Hard Love (Co-Prod. Happy Perez & Tory Lanez)

Lmao. Cold Hard Love? Nah. I can tell just from the cringe worthy title that I’m not gonna be feelin’ this song. Alright, it’s starting now. I’m not really feelin’ this Poppy beat. It’s not terrible. I guess this is decent as far as Pop music goes. It’s just not the kinda thing I’d listen to personally. Tory’s falsetto vocals aren’t doing anything for me. This really isn’t my kinda music… Oh wait, it sounds like he’s about to rap. Nah. I’m not feelin’ the verse. “I need you more than ever / You make me wanna put this TV on for the sound & pull these covers over us and take it slow forever.” This is pretty much just a Drake verse. Tory’s flow even kinda sounds similar to that of Drake. I don’t like this one. This is wack to me. 2/5

Track 8: High (Co-Prod. Cashmere Cat, Tory Lanez, Benny Blanco & Happy Perez)

This beat is actually pretty cool. I’m not in love with Tory’s falsetto singing. It’s definitely not bad tho. The lyrics aren’t really doing anything for me either. Oh shit. The crescendo around the 2:25 mark is actually pretty dope. If I was a bigger fan of R&B I’d probably like this album. This is cool on the first listen, but I don’t think I’d come back to it. It’s definitely one of the more enjoyable songs for me so far tho. I didn’t dislike this one at all. I just didn’t like it enough to not delete it. The skit at the end of this song is over a minute long. 3/5

Track 9: Dirty Money (Co-Prod. Tory Lanez)

I’m not feelin’ Tory’s sporadic flow on this first part of the song. The beat is dope af tho. OOOOOHHH SHIT. Okay… This is actually REALLY fucking dope. This beat is crazy. The actual verse isn’t that impressive to me, but it’s not bad either. This beat is crazy. I actually like this one. It’s definitely not a flawless track… I enjoyed it enough to not delete it tho. Again, the verse wasn’t that impressive. I can fuck with this sonically tho. If it wasn’t for the production I really don’t know if I’d like this. I wasn’t really in love with the intro. It’s still good tho. This is dope to me. The skit at the end is over a minute long. These skits are annoying as fuck. 4/5

Track 10: Question Is (Prod. Pop, Toro & J. Proof)

Alright, only 5 more songs. Here we go. There are some uncredited female vocals on the hook. She did her thing I guess. This beat is kinda dope. Tory’s rapping on the first verse. “My shorty had an abortion for me like 3 times / As hard is that is to say that to y’all / I think it’s much harder to keep it silent.” This is clearly the most personal song on the album so far. The only thing is, since Tory is so unlikable for me, it’s kinda hard for me to give a shit about what he’s saying… He raps a little bit about his relationship with his father on the second verse which was cool I guess. He’s rapping about an ex-friend on the final verse. I don’t know. If you’re already not a fan of Tory Lanez, you probably wouldn’t be interested in this track. I definitely can’t call it bad, but it’s one of those situations where I just don’t really give a shit… This just doesn’t really stand out to me. I appreciate the introspection. I don’t really like the song that much tho. It’s just not doing anything for me. It’s decent. It’s too long tho. The track is over 7 minutes long. That’s including the outro skit tho, which is over TWO MINUTES LONG. Seriously man, fuck these skits. 3/5

Track 11: Loner’s Blvd. (Prod. DJ Dahi, Noah Breakfast & Ben Free)

Fuck man… I really don’t wanna listen to this album anymore. This song is starting now. This beat is really simplistic. He’s just rapping over some smooth piano. I don’t like it. The first verse was fine I guess. The second verse was cool. This song is pretty damn boring. The outro was dope as hell sonically tho. I wish the whole song was like that. I can’t call this a bad song. I think he did a good job. It just didn’t really interest me personally. It ends with ANOTHER long ass outro. WHY. THESE SKITS ARE SO CRINGE WORTHY AND LONG. WHY????? SO FUCKING BAD. 3/5

Track 12: All The Girls (Co-Prod. Happy Perez & Tory Lanez)

Thank God the music isn’t as bad as the skits. Alright this song is starting now. Oh God… I spoke too soon. I’m pretty confident that this is gonna be my least favorite song on the whole album. This is another generic Pop love song. Fuck. FUCK. “Out of all the damn girls in the world I done ended up with you / I’m talkin’ all the bad bitches in the world, and I ended up with you.” No. Absolutely not. I can’t stand this kinda shit. It’s just super clean, super mainstream sounding Pop music. This sounds like a member of a boy band went solo. “I wanna love tonight.” Fuck you. I guess by regular Pop music standards this might be decent, but I personally hope I never hear anything like this ever again. 1/5

Track 13: Say It (Prod. Pop & Toro)

say-it

That is some ugly ass single art. I think I heard this song already. I didn’t like it. It’s another R&B love song. It’s just more of the same. I don’t even know what to say at this point. I just want this album to end. I don’t like love songs. I don’t even listen to that much R&B. This isn’t for me. I’m not feelin’ this at all. I’m getting really fucking mad at this album right now, and I don’t even know why. I wanna say something really mean and negative about this track, but I can’t think of anything. All you need to know is that it made me really unhappy. This is wack to me. Lemme see what the fuck he’s doin’ with this music video. Oh… Oh no… OH MY GAWD. NOOO. OH MY FUCKING GOD. THE CRINGE. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever cringed this hard in my life. The song hasn’t even started yet, but the intro to this music video is absolutely unbearable. You know how Drake does that lame ass fake ass corny ass Jamaican accent? Imagine that, but worse. I guess that’s a thing in Toronto. WHY? It’s so fucking lame. Tory Lanez—MORE LIKE TORY LAMEZ AMIRITE?—just seems so fucking fake. I’d NEVER heard him use this fake ass patois until Drake started doing it. “For the foremost, like, yo, know your place, fam.” Jesus fucking Christ. I’ve never met Tory Lanez, but I can tell you just from watching this music video that he’s a fuckboy. Y’all Toronto people need to get your boy ’cause he’s making y’all look like the most annoying, unlikable, lamest people I’ve ever seen. “Ting.” Dog, FUCK Tory Lanez. This is probably my number one contender for worst video of the year now, and it’s all JUST for that skit at the beginning. 2/5

Track 14: Luv (Prod. Cashmere Cat & Benny Blanco)

luv

Oh no… No… NOOO. Are you fucking shitting me? Am I about to listen to another fake ass Dancehall record? FUCK. Dog, Drake & Tory Lanez are making me hate the fuck out of Toronto right now. The cringe. The fucking cringe. “Bod mon.” Fuck off. I mean, Joey Bada$$ called himself that, but at least he actually has Jamaican roots. It never felt disingenuous when he said stuff like that. When Tory does it it just feels like he’s copying Drake, and when Drake does it it just feels like he’s appropriating shit like he always does. If Drake loves Dancehall so much then why the fuck did he just start doing it when he heard that D.R.A.M. song? And if Tory loves it so much then why the fuck did he just start doing it when Drake started doing it? Yes, I know Tory made a Dancehall song before. That was one song tho. You can’t seriously think that it’s a coincidence that he started making way more Dancehall songs as soon as Drake did it. I know I didn’t really talk about this song in particular. All you need to know is that it pissed me the motherfuck off. Fuck this song. 1/5

Final Thoughts:

Oh my God. It’s finally over. Thank you lord. This album… Is not good. It’s just… It’s just so not good. I don’t think I feel comfortable calling it bad. It’s pretty close to being bad tho. It’s mediocre. It’s pretty much just Views, but less bad. It’s Views with more Trap inspired production, better singing, and more rapping. Also there are far less wack lines. There are very few good lines tho. If you’re a fan of Drake I really don’t see why you wouldn’t like this. I’m not tho. The majority of the songs weren’t bad. They just weren’t good. This is easily one of the more forgettable albums I’ve heard all year. The only thing it’ll be remembered for is the unreasonably long winded and cringe worthy skits. That definitely made listening to this album more difficult than it should’ve been. I appreciate him trying to tell his story, but it might’ve been more enjoyable if he did that with the actual music rather than all those lame ass skits. Aside from that I really don’t have much to say. It’s just not good. There were only two tracks that I liked. Most of the other shit was decent at best.

Favorite Song: Dirty Money

Least Favorite Song: All The Girls

Verdict:

51%

50-59

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