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This album was released on November 21st in the year of our Lord 2006. I don’t think I’m gonna like this shit at all. I’m pretty sure most people consider it his worst album. Well, it might be tied with Magna Carta Holy Grail. I don’t know. I don’t have anything to say about this album before listening to it. I’m just gonna try to get through this bullshit as quickly as possible.

Track 1: The Prelude (Prod. B-Money)

This beat isn’t bad. Okay, there’s definitely a noticeable difference in the way he’s rapping already. This is that lazy flow he uses more these days. I’m almost done with this song already. His flow kinda improves as the song progresses. This definitely isn’t bad. It’s just really goddamn boring. Nothing about this song really stands out at all. The production is the best facet of this song in my opinion, and it’s not even that good. This song is decent, but I’m never listening to this shit ever again. It’s a really forgettable track honestly.

Track 2: Oh My God (Prod. Just Blaze)

This beat is decent I guess. The first verse is pretty much what I would’ve expected from Jay before I started this marathon. This is everything I dislike about JAY-Z. It’s just an onslaught of shallow bragging with a painfully lazy flow. This hook is fucking awful. Alright… I get it… This is gonna be a rough album. Smh… This shit is terrible. I… I want to turn this song off. It’s so fucking boring. Lemme be clear; this song isn’t complete dogshit. It’s just nowhere near enjoyable for me. I don’t like a single thing about this song. It’s wack af to me.

Track 3: Kingdom Come (Prod. Just Blaze)

This beat is alright. Wait a minute… Did this motherfucker sample Super Freak? Wow. Whatever. It turned out fine. The first verse was alright. Uuuuuuh… I’m bored. I’m not feelin’ this hook. The more I listen to this beat the less I like it. The second verse wasn’t bad. Jesus. I don’t think there’s anything that could make me like this song. The beat is annoying. The hook is wack. The verses are nothing special. I’m not feelin’ this shit. This is wack to me.

Track 4: Show Me What You Got (Prod. Just Blaze)

Oh fucking shit. This beat is dope af. Alright, here we go. Just Blaze fucked the shit outta this beat. The hook’s kinda wack, but it doesn’t ruin the song. The first verse was cool. His flow got a little slippery for like three or four bars, but he came right back after that. It’s not that great lyrically, but it’s fine. I can enjoy it sonically. I wish the hook was better, but it’s tolerable. This beat is really incredible. I don’t know if I’d like this song at all if it wasn’t for the production. I actually liked the final verse tho. This is more like it. This track is dope af.

Track 5: Lost One Feat. Chrisette Michele (Prod. Dr. Dre & Mark Batson)

Didn’t Chrisette Michele say she was gonna perform at Donald Trump’s inauguration? I can’t really remember… Was it her or someone else? Whatever it doesn’t matter. This might actually be the most underwhelming beat I’ve ever heard from Dr. Dre. It’s not really bad. I’m not impressed tho. I feel like anyone could’ve made this beat. The first verse was fine. I think Chrisette Michele has a really good voice, but this hook in particular didn’t really do much for me. It’s not bad tho. Her performance wasn’t bad; I’m just not a fan of this melody. I really can’t believe Dre produced this. I feel like I could make this beat. He must’ve just woken up and made this shit in like 7 minutes. The second verse was dope. This is actually pretty good. I mean, it’s not that good. It’s not bad tho. I think it’s a lot better than most of the other shit on this album. It’s not something I’d ever come back to personally, which is kind of ironic considering the fact that this is actually one of Jay’s more introspective tracks. I like this track, but it just doesn’t have a lot of replay value for me. It’s okay.

Track 6: Do You Wanna Ride Feat. John Legend (Prod. Kanye West)

This beat is dope af. The hook from John Legend is nice. The first verse was good. Alright, this is actually not bad. I’m enjoying this one. It seems to be dedicated to his friend Emory, who was in jail at the time of this song’s composition. Maybe he’s still in jail. I don’t know. The second verse was dope. This album actually isn’t as bad as I thought it would be so far. I think it’s on par with Vol. 3 & The Blueprint 2 to be honest. Kanye West fucked this beat. I love the way it evolves as the song progresses. This shit is dope.

Track 7: 30 Something (Prod. Dr. Dre)

This beat is dope. This is definitely a step up from Lost One. The first verse was cool. The hook’s fine. He’s rapping about being old as fuck. Just kidding. He’s just rapping about being wiser than younger people, but less gross than older people. The second verse wasn’t bad. Eh… I kinda like this song, but… I don’t know. I feel like the only reason this sounds decent is because of the production. It’s not really a bad song, but I don’t really have any interest in the subject matter. It’s decent tho. I guess.

Track 8: I Made It (Prod. DJ Khalil)

This beat is dope. This song is dedicated to his mother. The first verse was fine. The hook is nothing special. I just listened to the whole song. Meh. It’s fine. I’m never listening to it again tho. It just doesn’t stand out in any way, aside from the production. If you’re a really big fan of Jay you’ll probably be more interested than I was. I don’t give a shit about his relationship with his mother tho. This track does nothing for me. The production was cool tho. I like the beat a lot. But nah. It’s just an okay song.

Track 9: Anything Feat. Usher & Pharrell Williams (Prod. The Neptunes)

Oh God… This hook from Usher is fucking horrible. This beat is dope tho. What the fuck??? Oh FUCK no. This first verse from Jay is terrible.

Ooh you so nasty / Amateur pole dancing / Come and get this cash from me / They call me rain man / She tried to rain dance / Money so long it will drown you girl / Buried under so much stacks.

What the fuck is this motherfucker doing? Jesus fuck. This is definitely one of the worst songs I’ve ever heard from JAY-Z. That really sucks because this beat is fantastic. JAY-Z & Usher should’ve never touched this shit tho. The second verse was awful.

Let’s role play; act like you want it.

There are so many things wrong with that one line. First of all, I NEVER wanna imagine JAY-Z role playing. Good lord that’s so fucking corny. I mean, I think role playing is weird and lame in general, but the fact that it’s JAY-Z makes it even worse. That’s not even the bad part tho. “Act like you want it?” Really? Did he not think about what that means? Why the fuck does she have to ACT like she wants it? The way this line is phrased makes it sound like sex is unpleasant for Jay’s female partner, and this sexual activity that they’re engaging in is possibly nonconsensual. Why is Pharrell credited as a feature on this song? He just does some ad-libs. Vocally, he contributed far more to songs like Allure & Nigga Please, but he wasn’t listed as a feature for those songs. Whatever I don’t give a shit. All you need to know is this song is wack af.

Track 10: Hollywood Feat. Beyoncé (Prod. Syience)

This beat is alright. Uuuh… I’m not feelin’ this intro from Beyoncé at all. Obviously her vocals are good, but everything else about it is wack. The hook is fucking awful. Something about it sounds really weird. Like, it doesn’t even sound like Beyoncé. It sounds generic. Maybe the engineer did something to her voice; she sounds like an anonymous background singer who would normally go uncredited. Oh God… This first verse from Jay is wack.

Paparazzi spots me in the lobby of my high rise / I hide behind my shades ’cause the fame is blinding my eyes / My god; I know how Ozzie Oz once had felt when he was as high / As I have got; I have got to make this stop / People often warn me that the fame ain’t for the faint of heart.

That signature douchebaggery that I’m all too familiar with is starting to show up. Why the fuck would I wanna hear you complain about being famous? I do NOT give a fuck. Good lord. This might actually be wacker than the previous track. At least that song had a great beat. Everything about this song is revolting to me. At least Jay’s flow is kinda nice. Okay… I’ve had enough of this shit. This is wack af.

Track 11: Trouble (Prod. Dr. Dre & Mark Batson)

Yuck. I’m not feelin’ this electronic beat at all. The hook is wack. Jesus. What the fuck is happening? This album was actually decent, but all of a sudden it’s just turned into a fucking trainwreck. I seriously was confused as to why this album gets so much hate until now. It’s really bizarre how bad it just fell off. The first verse was okay. The second verse was cool. The third verse was nice. I’m not sure who he was dissing. A lot of people seem to think he was targeting Lil Wayne because he said “lil nigga” like 666 times. I guess that could make sense. I don’t feel comfortable making that assumption tho. Anyway, this song is not good. The verses were cool, but the hook & production ruined it. This shit is wack.

Track 12: Dig a Hole Feat. Sterling Simms (Prod. Swizz Beatz)

Is Sterling Simms still alive? He really fell off the face of the Earth, huh? This beat is alright. Ew… I’m not feelin’ this hook from Sterling Simms at all. Why the fuck is he featured on this song? Why didn’t Jay just rap those lines? Sterling Simms is technically singing, but it’s literally just one note. It didn’t add anything to the song at all. Jay could’ve just rapped those lines himself and it wouldn’t have affected the song’s quality. Honestly, it’d probably make it a lot better if I’m bein’ real. The first verse was kinda weak. It sounds like he’s dissing somebody, but I’m not sure who. He’s telling his opponent to dig a hole and bury himself. I don’t know… This is just really lackluster to me. This hook is fuckin’ terrible. The second verse was a lot better. Jesus fuck this hook is unbearable. Okay, apparently this is directed towards Cam’ron. I don’t have any of the details, so I’m not sure why they were beefing at the time. Jesus fucking Christ. The hook… It’s so fucking bad. Nah. This shit is wack af.

Track 13: Minority Report Feat. Ne-Yo (Prod. Dr. Dre)

Man the R&B features really ruined this album. John Legend was good, but aside from that they’ve all been pretty bad so far. Anyway, this song starts with a long intro of news excerpts about Hurricane Katrina. I guess that’s what this song’s gonna be about. This beat is dope af. Alright, maybe he can come back with this song. This verse is awesome. This is definitely one of the most political songs I’ve heard from Jay so far.

Wouldn’t you loot if you didn’t have the loot / Baby needed food, and you was stuck on the roof / And helicopters swoop down just to get a scoop / Through his telescopic lens, but he didn’t scoop you?

Man, this verse is actually really fucking dope. He killed that shit. This is way better than I was expecting it to be. This might end up being my favorite track on the album depending on Ne-Yo’s performance. The verse from Jay was fantastic.

I ponied up a mill, but I didn’t give my time / So in reality I didn’t give a dime or a damn / I just put my moneys in the hands / Of the same people that left my people stranded / Nothin’ but a bandit left them folks abandoned / Damn, that money we gave was just a band-aid.

Ne-Yo’s singing now. Thank God. The song just ended. Ne-Yo’s part was good. I’ve always thought he was a really talented singer, but his music usually doesn’t appeal to me. This was good tho. Thank God. This is the best song on the album so far. It’s dope af.

Track 14: Beach Chair Feat. Chris Martin (Prod. Rikademus & Chris Martin)

What the fuck…? I’m not sure how I feel about this beat… It’s really strange… I definitely appreciate how unique it is, but it’s kind of annoying to be honest. I’m not feelin’ Jay’s melodic delivery on this first verse at all. It’s not bad lyrically tho. I’m not really feelin’ this hook from Chris Martin. The second verse was cool. Yeah, I really don’t like this hook… I don’t like this song. The lyrics aren’t bad, and I liked the way the beat switched up for the last verse, but I can’t get behind anything else about this track. It’s decent tho. I just don’t really like it that much… But it’s an okay song.

Final Thoughts:

This is not a good album. It’s easily the worst album I’ve heard from Jay. I don’t know if Magna Carta Holy Grail is worse than this. I’ve heard that album before, and I don’t really remember much about it, but I think I liked the production a lot. That was like the only aspect of the album that was consistently good to me. Nothing about this album is consistent tho. The first third of this album is boring as fuck. The middle section is good. The last third is terrible. Like I said during track 13, I didn’t think this album was that much worse than the average JAY-Z album until I got to the last 5 songs. This would be a decent LP if he pared it down to like 10 tracks. Or maybe 9… As a rapper, I don’t think Jay completely fell off. His flow is noticeably lazier on this album than it was before, but this album’s greatest weakness is it’s sonics. The beats are hit or miss—mostly misses—and a lot of the hooks are really bad. There’s not a single song on this album that has a great hook. It has some that are slightly above average, but most of them are tolerable at best. 75% of the features were wack too. He should not have all these singers on his album. They didn’t work. This album is dangerously mediocre. I’m not gonna call it wack—even tho it kinda is—because I don’t really think it’s below average. It’s just considerably far from being good.

Favorite Song: Minority Report

Least Favorite Song: Hollywood

Verdict:

D+