OG Is Depression-Free Officially | FHH Update 1-8-2018

AYYYYYYYYYYYYY. What’s up, nerds. So, I know I’ve been kind of inactive here recently, which is really fucked up especially considering the amount of money I’ve been getting from my patrons. I’ve gotten far more donations than I was expecting when I first started my Patreon account, so I’ll now only be charging money from specific patrons whenever I review whatever project they request from me. I’m changing the rewards now too, so be sure to check that out. To my current patrons (Aman Mann, Buffalo Staple, Control the Artist, Cris Sayago, Darrell Nicholson, and Jan Schöneseiffen), I obviously won’t charge you for any of the requests you have already made. I’ve finally figured out how to run my blog like a proper website/business. So yeah. Now that I’ve gotten that shit out of the way, I’m gonna talk about myself since I’m a douchy blogger and that’s what we do. So, the reason I’ve been so inactive is because I was suffering from crippling depression. I literally couldn’t run my own blog. My depression drained any motivation I originally had, and I didn’t even realize it. I felt even worse about it since I was charging my patrons every single month, and I was too depressed to give them what they were paying for. The reason I was so depressed is because I didn’t have any friends that I was super close with, and I felt like I was completely alone. The only activity that still gave me any joy was smoking a shit ton of datpotentkush with my friends and getting higher than Jesus Christ our lord & savior. My current friend group, which consists of Benny, Johnny, and Patrick—you’ll become familiar with them soon enough—became super close because we all suffered from depression, and we were able to find a hobby that truly excited us. They’re some of the best friends I’ve ever had, and we share almost all the same interests, which is super rare for me. Finding real friends who I truly love and who reciprocate the feelings I have is what saved my life. I literally feel like I just beat cancer because I was dying on the inside, but the ones I love saved my life. Even after meeting the handful of loving friends I have, I didn’t understand why EVERYBODY didn’t love each other way we did, but my sister helped me realize that most people just aren’t good people like us. I mean, I know that sounds really conceited, but it says more about the general population than me and my friends. In the real world, everybody is a terrible person. You don’t meet nice & loving people everyday, which sucks. Now I’m just not surprised when people treat me like shit. It’s okay now because I feel like I have a decent amount of people in my life who do love me. If everyone in your life treats you like shit, one person who treats you like the most important person in the world isn’t enough. There just wasn’t enough reciprocation in my life I guess. I think that’s why I started my blog. It’s so much easier to find cool people on the internet than it is in real life. That’s why I was depressed. That’s also why Childish Gambino is my favorite rapper. He did so much for me because he was able to write music about shit I was going through. The reason I was so depressed was Because the Internet was literally the only way I could connect to people who understood me, and I feel like a huge portion of society suffers from the same thing. It’s a fucking tragedy that some people aren’t able to recover from it by finding loving people like I did. I hope anyone who suffers from that finds my website too because I want it to be clear that they’re not the only ones suffering. It takes a loving person to show you how much you’re worth. My older sister’s literally never not been in my life, and she was only just recently able to convince me that I’m a great person worth loving. It’s not that I didn’t think I wasn’t worth loving before, I just didn’t get why people around me didn’t. She helped me realize that I’m special because most people around me aren’t as nice & loving as I am, and that’s why I always end up confused & heartbroken. I would’ve rather died than not be loved by the ones I loved, which is why I ended up committing suicide. Now I understand that I can’t be loved by every single person I meet because not everyone is like me. Now when a girl I think I love just randomly stops talking to me, I see that if she thinks it’s okay to cut someone off like that after they inform her of how much they like being with her, she’s not someone I’d want to love in the first place. In that way, I’ve made myself far less susceptible to heartbreak. I wish everyone looked at it like that because not everyone does. I wasn’t the only person who thinks that way. There are seven billion people on this planet; nobody’s ever truly alone. That’s one thing the internet has taught me. Anyway, my friends and I are hoping to get an apartment together, and we’ve been having fun creating music together, so I might end up posting it here. Starting your own blog is probably the best way to promote music. I don’t need to become a patron for someone to post my shit on their blog because I can just put it on my own. Yeah, it took me three years to get the audience I have now, but it’s not like I didn’t enjoy getting to this point. It’s all part of the process. I don’t need to become a famous rapper to survive though. Not everyone has that kinda time which is sad. A lot of people literally need to make music to survive. I’m only doing it for fun. It doesn’t matter if people don’t fuck with me because it’s not gonna kill me. A lot of these rappers are so wack that they literally starve to death, which is really fucking sad. A lot of them aren’t even wack; they just don’t have the reach they need to survive, which is even sadder. Anyway, expect a lot more vlogs, podcasts, songs, music videos, and short films. It doesn’t seem like there’s anything at least one person in my friend group can’t do. If I get enough money I’ll hopefully be able to pay somebody to animate a podcast or vlog for me, but that’s way down the line. Anyway, thanks for your continued support, and have a great day.

11 comments

  1. Peace on the shoutout lil homie.

    I learned many things in my own journey through life, I learned there’ll always be some chickenshit motherfuckers who dislike you for who you are and try to drag your character through the mud and attempt to assassinate your name because they’re miserable and pathetic people and you can’t change them, just be more vigilant of who you associate with.

    I’m really happy to hear that you’re starting to love yourself, and here’s some extra game for you:

    A lot of girls can be shallow for whatever reason, and not give dudes the time of day because they don’t fit the exact mold of man they want; but don’t give up…lick your wounds and try again, there’s always one person out there for everyone.

    And it’s dope to hear you and your friends are collaborating on artistic ventures!! Hope ya’ll find an apartment to live in.

    And I would love to see whatever tunes, short films, art stuff you got cooking up.

    And if you ever need a random body for whatever insight on music and/or films for a podcast, I’d more than love to volunteer (my schedule might be a lil random tho.)

    Just remember Nick you got fam out here in the West Coast always willing to ride for you.

    I’ll holla!

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