Tardy Album Review | JPEGMAFIA – All My Heroes Are Cornballs

This album was released on September 13th last year. I’m pretty sure this is one of the most hyped up releases of 2019. Most of my friends seemed to think it was amazing when it first came out. Well, they probably still do. I have no reason to believe that they don’t like it as much as they originally did. I just feel like I haven’t seen people talking about it that much recently. The “disappointment” marketing scheme for this album was pretty corny to me honestly, but I think it has more to do with the way fans reacted to it than anything. Like, every review for this album said “I am disappointed 😏😏😏,” which was just kinda lame to me, but I guess that’s neither here nor there. Anyway, I’ve only extensively listened to one single from this album, but I really love it. I thought Veteran was a really great album, but I think most people liked it more than I did. As much as I enjoyed it on my first listen, I never really had the desire to listen back to it aside from a handful of select tracks. I’m hoping this album will be better, and I actually think it’ll end up being one of my favorite albums of 2019, so I’m really looking forward to this. Anyway, every song here is self produced.


To be completely honest, I am a little disappointed. I mean, like, unironically. I’m genuinely a little let down. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely like the album. It’s just nowhere near as great as I thought it’d be. Maybe I should’ve actually listened to JPEGMAFIA’s warnings. He was acting like it was the worst album ever made though. It’s definitely not. I’m gonna talk about every song in the proper order of the track listing, even though I don’t like all of them. I like the vast majority of these songs, so most of this should be pretty positive. It starts off with the lead single, Jesus Forgive Me, I Am a Thot.

Jesus Forgive Me, I Am a Thot 1

This seems to be the most popular track from the album, and for good reason. It’s definitely a highlight for me. I think it’s fantastic. The production is absolutely stellar, and the first verse is really dope. I don’t think the lyrics are that impressive, but his delivery and flow are great. I really like the way he ended it too. I think the second verse is a little better though. Again, the lyrics aren’t amazing or anything, but he just sounds really good to me. The final line in the verse kinda confused me.

I’ll put your soul in a struggle bar

As cool as this sounds, I’m not exactly sure what it’s supposed to mean. Is that supposed to be a threat? What would putting someone’s soul in a struggle bar even entail? Does he mean he’ll be able to kill other rappers with struggle bars? I mean, I don’t really give a shit because the line sounds cool. I don’t think it’s bad. I’m just not really sure what it means. Anyway, I think the sung hook on this track is catchy as hell. The verses are good, but most of the lyrics don’t really stand out to me that much. A few lines here and there will catch my attention, but it’s rare for me to be impressed by a full quatrain. The song is still fantastic from a sonic standpoint though. I think it’s dope af. It’s followed by my favorite song on the album, Kenan Vs. Kel.

I think the beat on this track is really pretty. I also think the actual rapping on this track is far more impressive than it was on the preceding song. His flow is fantastic, and the lyrics are much more interesting as well.

Man, I really, really wish I was Illuminati
Niggas waitin’ on the Peg like I’m droppin’ Yandhi
Too black, too strong, I’m a lil thotty
But fuck a big speech
‘Cause when I’m rollin’ I’m dressin’ up like I’m Prince Peach

Throughout the whole album, Peggy kinda portrays himself as a feminine character, referencing the long dress he’s wearing in the official album artwork. He even mentions something about wearing his enemies’ grandma’s clothes in the opening song. I’m not really sure what the meaning of that is. I’ll probably have to watch some interviews to see if people asked him about that. I think it’s interesting though. If anyone knows what that’s all about please let me know. Anyway, I think the simplistic hook on this track is cool, and I even like his singing on the bridge. The beat switch during the second part of the song is really what pushes this song to the next level for me though. I think that shit is amazing. It’s fucking insane. This was me the first time I heard it…

My lort

I’m glad he spit a short verse over this second beat too. The song is phenomenal. It’s followed by Beta Male Strategies, which was the second single from the album.

Beta Male Strategies

I actually listened to it once when it dropped, but I didn’t really remember it that much by the time I got around to hearing the full album. On the intro of the song, he says something about his future tombstone being Twitter, which made me realize that JPEGMAFIA is pretty much just Gen Z in the form of a rapper. Anyway, I like the production on this song a lot, but the loop that plays during the first verse is slightly too repetitive for me. It gets kind of annoying, so I’m glad he switched it up for the hook. The electric guitar contribution at this point sounds really goddamn great. Unfortunately, I’m pretty underwhelmed by Peggy’s vocal performance here. I think the rapping is pretty unremarkable, but it’s sufficient I suppose. The song is dope to me overall. It’s followed by the first instrumental track on the album, JPEGMAFIA TYPE BEAT.

All My Heroes Are Cornballs 1

It heavily samples vocals from a band called Atari Teenage Riot, and some very basic research makes it clear that Peggy and this band have a lot in common. The beat itself is very strange and slightly abrasive. I definitely like it, but I feel like this could’ve either been left off the album or just added to a different song, since there are already so many switch-ups in the other songs. It probably didn’t need to be its own track. It’s still pretty good though. I fuck with it. Track 5 is called Grimy Waifu; MAN FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT WEEB SHIT.

I think the previous track transitions into it pretty nicely. The production here is really light & pretty, and the sung hook is solid. I’m honestly not really feelin’ the verse though. Something about the song just feels very douchy to me for some reason. It just makes me think of rich white teenagers with names like Chet and Kyler who play lacrosse and wear snap backs. It probably has a lot to do with the line about vaping. I still like the song, but it’s mainly due to the production. I don’t like the song as much as any of the preceding tracks, but it’s still pretty good. It’s followed by PTSD, which is better in my opinion.

PTSD

The intro to this track is kinda slow; it doesn’t really become enjoyable to me until Peggy actually starts rapping. The beat is pretty cool, but definitely not one of my favorites on the album. The hostile lyrics are cool, but I was more entertained by his flow than anything else. Lyrically, the song is just JPEGMAFIA threatening his listeners and being very aggressive. I guess that’s pretty much every JPEGMAFIA song in a nutshell, now that I think about it. Anyway, I like the track a lot. He sounded really good on this one. The song’s dope. It’s unfortunately followed by the first dud on the album for me, which is Rap Grow Old & Die x No Child Left Behind.

During the intro of this track, JPEGMAFIA literally refers to it as a “weeb song,” so that was a bad sign; MAN FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT WEEB SHIT. I think the Electronic-influenced production is kinda cool, but I’m not really crazy about the sung hook. I mean, I guess it’s tolerable. The first verse is okay, but I really can’t say that I like it that much. The rapping isn’t particularly impressive to me, and the production gets pretty old after a while. I don’t think it’s a bad beat. It’s just kinda dull to me to be honest. The second verse was definitely better, but still not really that impressive. I like the production on the second part of the song more, but the singing kinda ruined it for me. So yeah. I don’t really like the song. I don’t think it’s bad, but it’s just not really that enjoyable to me personally. I’m not into the production, and the singing sounded bad to me. I also just didn’t think the rapping was that great. Thankfully, this low point is followed by my second favorite song on the album, which also happens to be the title track.

All My Heroes Are Cornballs

I really love the beat on this track. Honestly, I’m not crazy about Peggy’s melodic delivery on the first verse, but the second verse is much better. I’m glad he reverted to a more traditional delivery at that point. I love how simplistic the hook is. It’s pretty much just him yelling the word “FUCK!” over and over again. He does that on a lot of the songs on this album though. I guess that’s his ad-lib. It’s dope. The main reason I love this song so much is just because of the production. I think the beat is amazing. The song is dope af. It’s followed by BBW, which has additional vocals from Young Emoji & Refined Sugar.

The song is really short, and it has a very simplistic structure. The beat is cool, but I don’t think it’s much more creative or strange than anything I’d hear on any other Hip Hop album. The verse that Peggy spits over it is pretty cool though. I like his flow, and some of the lines are nice.

It’s the young, black Brian Wilson
Smile at these crackers who want me dead
Fire helmets won’t protect your head
Don’t get sent to Jesus filled with lead, lil nigga

It’s a cool track, but it just feels kind of unnecessary. It feels more like an interlude or a half finished b-side than anything, but I definitely did enjoy it to some extent. It’s just not really a “must-listen” JPEGMAFIA song. Like, nobody on Earth is gonna name this track when people are trying to figure out what his best songs are. I like it though. It’s pretty good. The following track is called PRONE!, and it’s a highlight on the album for me personally.

I really adore the murky production on this track, and the hook is dope. I love how aggressive his delivery is here too. The verse is great, mainly because of the over the top energy he has on the mic. Most of the lyrics don’t really stand out to me honestly, but the final bar might be my favorite line on the whole album.

Now get him gone
Bullets through his neck and his backbone
Filters, no stock in
One shot turn Steve Bannon into Steve Hawking

OOOOOH

This is one of the best songs on the album, but I think I’d like it more if it was longer. The hook is great though, and the verse is dope too. I’m really not a fan of the sung outro at all, but it’s not nearly bad enough to ruin the entire song. This shit is dope af. It’s followed by another dud unfortunately, which is called Life’s Hard, Here’s a Song About Sorrel.

My mom makes sorrel tea for me every now and then because I guess it’s supposed to relieve stress or some shit. I don’t know. Anyway, this is the first song on the album that I think is genuinely bad. He sings throughout the whole track, and it’s not good. The only aspect of this track that I like even a little bit is the production, but even the beat isn’t that great. I’m not feelin’ the song at all. I think it’s wack. It’s followed by Thot Tactics, which I think is pretty dope.

Jesus Forgive Me, I Am a Thot

I don’t really know why thots are a theme on this album or what their significance is on this record. Anyway, the beat on this track is very good, but I’m not really crazy about the sung hook. The verse is really dope though. The opening line is hilarious to me.

Bruh, put the keyboard down, get the MAC out

I’m unfortunately not really a fan of the way the song ends. It kinda just fizzles out. I like the track a lot though. The rapping and production is great, and the hook is decent. I wouldn’t call this a highlight on the album for me, but I do like it more than most of the other tracks. It’s dope. It’s followed by Free the Frail, which is one of the best songs in my opinion.

I think the beat on this track is fucking amazing, and the hook is actually fantastic. It might be the best hook on the album honestly. This is one of the few tracks on the project that feels like a complete song rather than an aimless interlude or a bunch of scatterbrained ideas spliced together. I don’t think the actual rapping on this song is that impressive, but the hook and production are top notch. The sung outro from Helena Deland is really nice too. This shit is dope af. It’s followed by Post Verified Lifestyle, which is yet another highlight for me.

The first part of the song is pretty dope. It sounds like a snippet of a different song, and the switch up is pretty abrupt. It kinda reminds me of the way Sicko Mode abruptly switches up after Drake spits two bars. I actually like the second part of this song even more than the intro though. The second beat is really nice, and Peggy actually killed the verse.

Oh, you think you up and coming, G?
Nah, up and comers really think they me
Bitch, I’m Beanie Sigel, mixed with Beatles
With a dash of DOOM at 98 degrees

The additional words from Young Emoji were cool too. I think that the instrumental outro was unnecessarily long, but I don’t mind it too much. The song is dope af. It’s followed by the worst song I’ve ever heard from JPEGMAFIA, BasicBitchTearGas.

This is easily the wackest song on the album. It’s literally just a shitty cover of a TLC song called No Scrubs. I don’t even like the original version of the song, so I guess it makes sense that I’m not a fan of this cover. JPEGMAFIA’s singing isn’t particularly good to me, and it doesn’t fit over this beat at all. It sounds totally discordant. There’s not a single aspect of this song that I like. I genuinely think it’s terrible. The following track is thankfully pretty solid though.

It’s just Peggy’s verse from his episode of The Cave with Kenny Beats over a new instrumental. The beat sounds like something from an old arcade game. It’s cool, but I think I preferred Kenny’s instrumental. The verse is solid. I’m not really crazy about the verse from Buzzy Lee, but she was alright I guess. The outro of the song sounds slightly Vaporwave-ish. Abdu Ali didn’t really have a significant contribution; his presence didn’t affect my overall enjoyment of the track whatsoever. The song is cool, but far from a favorite of mine. I do like it to some extent though. The penultimate track is called BUTTERMILK JESUS TYPE BEAT.

If you somehow couldn’t tell from the title, it’s another instrumental track. The piano-driven production is pretty, and the glitchy percussion is cool too. I don’t really think this beat is super impressive or anything, but I definitely like it. I just don’t really feel like this song had to be here. It’s a cool track, but if for whatever reason JPEGMAFIA decided to delete it from streaming platforms, I wouldn’t be too upset. I definitely like it to some extent though. It’s pretty solid. The closing song is called 🥺, and it’s one of my favorites on the album.

It’s the longest track on the project. The hook is pretty dope, and I like the beat a lot. I think this song has some of the best rapping on the whole record too. I love these lines about indoctrinating the children of white supremacists.

I’m a terrorist; I don’t spit raps, bitch, I spit rhetoric
And I be in your kid’s mind, gettin’ leverage
I hate old white niggas, I’m prejudiced
But I’ma take you niggas money like a reverend

I also love the line about redneck tears, and every bar that follows. The verse is dope as hell. It honestly might be the best verse on the album.

Redneck tears, ooh, what a beverage
Dead cops on my songs, that’s hilarious
Are you mad ’cause a nigga done bought a gold tooth?
Are you mad ’cause you see me up in your Whole Foods?
Man, these fake Young Dolphs think they bulletproof

The second verse was only like 6 bars, but it was pretty nice. The instrumental outro is great too. I love the song. It’s dope af. 😀


This album is pretty good. It unfortunately didn’t end up being anywhere near as amazing as I was expecting, but I’m satisfied. There were really only three tracks that I didn’t like at all. I think my biggest issue here is that the singing just isn’t very good to me, and I also wish the songs were more fleshed out. I kind of alluded to this earlier, but a lot of these tracks kinda just feel like a bunch of miscellaneous ideas spliced together. It feels a lot like a compilation rather than a well sequenced, cohesive album. I’m also kinda disappointed by how melodic this project is. That’s more of a personal thing though. I just wanted more hard hitting, over the top shit like Real Nega or Baby, I’m Bleeding. I don’t think any of the songs on this album are as weird or abrasive as those tracks. The beats are glitchy, but I don’t think they’re as unique as the instrumentals on Veteran. So yes, I am unironically disappointed, but at the same time I’m still satisfied with this release because it is definitely a good album. I’m hoping the next project isn’t just more of the same though. I also kinda just wish the content was a bit more varied. The overt aggression towards internet trolls and white supremacists was endearing at first, especially on Veteran, but I started to get kinda tired of it by the time I finished this album. It’s kinda hard to take seriously. I definitely like it, but I just wish there was more diversity when it comes to the content. This is good though. I’ve been pretty critical here, but I do like this project a lot. I think it’s dope.

Favorite Song: Kenan Vs. Kel
Least Favorite Song: BasicBitchTearGas

76

Watch the videos below for more thoughts on this album.

B flat
Grade: B

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