Ugh… Okay, here we go. This album was released on November 12th in 2004. It’s pretty much universally agreed upon that this was the beginning of Eminem’s downfall. Well, I guess you could kinda tell that things were headed in a bad direction on The Eminem Show, but it was still an enjoyable album overall. Things get really ugly here though… I already know that there’s some salvageable material on this project, but the good songs can’t save it from the trash surrounding them. I’ve never listened to this whole project all the way through, so this’ll be a somewhat new experience for me. I’m expecting it to be bad. Who knows though? Maybe it’s not as bad as people say… Alright… Smh. Here we go…

1. Curtains Up (Skit)

This album is obviously a sequel to The Eminem Show, so it starts off in a pretty similar fashion. There’s no reason for me to talk about this skit. I get why this track is here, and I don’t mind it at all. I’m never gonna listen to it again though.

2. Evil Deeds produced by Dr. Dre

Alright, here we go. The previous track actually segues into this one pretty nicely. The production from Dr. Dre on this track is solid. I see a lot of people saying the beat is really great, and I beg to differ. It’s certainly not bad, but I don’t think it’s anything special. I’m really not a fan of that sung hook. It sounds pretty goddamn bad. It’s not bad enough to make the entire song unlistenable though. Um… Uh… What the fuck is this first verse? In the entire first half his flow is unbelievably lazy. He keeps repeating the same words over and over again. I don’t know how to describe it without quoting the lyrics.

Momma had a baby and its head popped off
Head popped off, head popped off, head popped off, head popped off, head popped off
But Momma don’t want me, the next thing I know, I’m gettin’ dropped off
Gettin’ dropped off, gettin’ dropped off, gettin’ dropped off, gettin’ dropped off
Ring-ring-ring on the doorbell of the next door neighbors, on their front porch
Their front porch, their front porch, their front porch, their front porch
But they didn’t want me neither, so they left me on someone else’s lawn
Else’s lawn, else’s lawn, else’s lawn

I can’t fucking believe this. THIS is how you choose to start your album? What the fuck? The singing at the end of the verse was awful. Jesus. Okay, so the very first verse on this album is complete and utter trash. This shit is off to a terrible start. The second verse is almost as wack honestly. Look how he decided to start that shit…

Predominantly, predominantly, everything’s always predominantly
Predominantly-white, predominantly black; well, what about me?
Where does that leave me? Well, I guess that I’m between predominantly both of ’em
I think if I hear that fuckin’ word again I’ma scream

Bruh… Are you fucking shitting me? What the fuck is this motherfucker doing? Jesus… This song is pure bullshit so far. The third verse isn’t good at all, but it’s not as insultingly bad as the first two. Still though, I don’t like a single aspect of this song. I don’t really care for the production, the hook is awful, and lyrically this song is fucking stupid as hell. Fuck this song. I legitimately think this is the worst track I’ve heard in this marathon so far. This shit is wack af.

3. Never Enough featuring 50 Cent & Nate Dogg produced by Dr. Dre & Mike Elizondo

The one positive comment I can make is that all of the tracks have flowed into each other really nicely so far. The production on this track kinda sucks, but the first verse from Em is actually pretty solid. He’s actually staying on topic instead of just spewing out nonsensical bullshit. His flow’s pretty smooth too. I mean, he didn’t say anything that amazing, but it wasn’t a bad verse at all. I like the hook from Nate Dogg too. 50 Cent’s verse was cool. I don’t think I’ve ever actually been super impressed by a verse from 50 Cent. I think he’s pretty overrated to be honest. He wasn’t bad on this track though. This is actually a solid song. The production isn’t that great, but the two verses are solid & I enjoyed the hook. This song is far from great, but I think it’s good. This is dope to me.

4. Yellow Brick Road produced by Eminem & Luis Resto

This song is pretty much an apology and explanation of a super racist song that Eminem recorded, which was unearthed by The Source magazine, who he famously had a beef with. In the song—called Foolish Pride—he talks about how you should never date black girls because they only want you for your money. I don’t know what the hell was going through Eminem’s head that made him think recording that song was a good idea. I mean, he claims that he was angry because he had just broken up with his black girlfriend, and I KINDA get how he would respond to that situation by writing some racist lyrics. I feel like any sensible person would know not to actually record that shit though. I mean, people are gonna look at you funny just for being a white rapper in the first place, so if they hear that song there’s no way they’re gonna be okay with that. Anyway, Yellow Brick Road itself is actually pretty good. I like the production, and I think Em’s rapping pretty well over it. It thankfully doesn’t have a terrible sung hook. The first two verses of the song are more about Em’s younger days growing up in Detroit; he doesn’t really address the racist song until the final verse. I don’t really care for the melodic delivery he used for the second verse, but it’s not bad enough to ruin the song for me. I think this is the best song on the album so far. I wouldn’t call it amazing like some people do. I saw one guy say that it’s one of his top 5 favorite Eminem songs, which is just fucking… bonkers to me. It’s pretty good, but it’s nowhere near as good as his best material. I enjoyed it though. This is a dope track.

5. Like Toy Soldiers produced by Eminem & Luis Resto

This is probably the most popular song from this album. It samples Toy Soldiers by Martika. It comes off a little dramatic to me honestly. However, this song is actually really goddamn good. Em’s rapping about how he regrets getting into so many beefs. It’s actually a lyrically entertaining song. It’s really well written. The first verse was great, and the second one is even better. This is definitely the best song on the album so far. I like the production, and I love the verses. I fuck with this shit. This is legitimately dope af to me.

6. Mosh produced by Dr. Dre & Mark Batson

This was the second single from the album. I’m not crazy about the production on this song, but it’s not particularly bad. The first verse is fine. It’s not amazing or anything, but it’s solid. I saw one comment about this song that said that it had “probably one of the best hooks ever,” which is complete bullshit. The hook on this song is average as hell. There’s absolutely nothing special about it at all. I swear Em’s dickriders are fucking delusional. Anyway, the second verse was decent. It didn’t really impress me until he spit those last two lines. The final verse was actually really good. This is the most political song on the album. He’s protesting the War on Terror. I enjoyed this track. Nothing about it really stands out that much though. The final verse is the best aspect of the song to me. The production is incredibly underwhelming for a Dre beat. It’s not bad though. I fuck with this song. It’s dope.

7. Puke produced by Eminem & Luis Resto

This track literally begins with the sound of somebody barfing. It’s not exactly a pleasant listen. Good lord… The hook on this song, man… It’s so fucking bad. I never wanna hear Eminem sing ever. And of course he just HAD to sing the entire first verse. Jesus Christ. This is fucking awful. Oh God… The entire song… He sings throughout the entire goddamn song. It’s a track about how much he hates Kim. This shit is fucking trash. There’s not a single aspect of this song I like. The fact that people are getting downvoted in the Genius comment section for this song for pointing out the objectively terrible singing just makes me hate Eminem’s fanbase even more. This song is absolute garbage. It’s wack af.

8. My 1st Single produced by Eminem & Luis Resto

Wow. This song is fucking awful. What the fuck was this dude doing on this track? Lyrically, this song is pure nonsense. During the entire first verse he says nothing of any importance.

It goes one for the money, two for the fuckin’ show
Ready, get set, let’s go
Here comes the buckin’ bronco
Stompin’ and stampedin’ up the damn street like them buffalo
Soldiers, I told ya I’m ’bout to blow, so look out below, Geronimo
Motherfuckers, it’s dominoes, I’m on a roll
Around and around I go
When will I stop? I don’t know

The beat is fucking trash too. And what the motherfuck is this hook? Jesus Christ. You know that joke that people make about toxic fanbases where they say “this artist could record himself farting and their fans would support it?” Well, that’s literally what happened here. He literally has the sound of someone shitting themselves in the song. The trivial & outright stupid lyrics in the second verse are frankly insulting.

Hickory-dickory Dirk Diggler, look at me work wizardry
With these words – am I a jerk or just jerk chicken?
Or chiga-chigga-chig-chig-jer-chig-jer jerkin’ your chain
Twenty-two jerks in a jerk circle, or is it a circle jerk?
Wait a minute, what am I sayin’? Allow me to run it back
And rewind it {blblblblblblblb} – wait, let me ask you again
Am I just jerkin’ your chain? Am I berserk or insane?

This might actually be the worst song on the whole album so far. Each verse is worse than the one it follows. The beat is trash. The hook is fucking horrific. This song is absolute dogshit. FUCK this song.

9. Paul (Skit)

This is a completely unnecessary skit in which Paul Rosenberg leaves a message for Eminem telling him that Michael Jackson is pissed off about the Just Lose It music video. This skit did not need to be here. I’m never gonna listen to it again.

10. Rain Man produced by Dr. Dre

The production on this track isn’t bad. Once again, this man has fart sounds on his song. The first verse was pretty bad. I don’t think it’s as horrific as some of the previous few verses on this album, but it’s definitely not good. He made fun of Christopher Reeves once again for no apparent reason at all. The hook is awful. The second verse is fucking horrible. What the fuck is this shit?

In football the quarterback yells out hut-hut
While he reaches in another grown man’s ass
Grabs on his nuts but just what if
It was never meant, it was just an accident
But he tripped, fell, slipped, and his penis went in
His teeny tiny little round hiney and he didn’t mean it
But his little weenie flinched just a little bit

Just… WHY? What the fuck does that have to do with anything? Once again, I’m insulted by how bad this shit. Especially that final verse.

I grabbed the last can of chicken tuna out the trash can
And zoom, I headed straight back to the Neverland Ranch
With a peanut butter jelly chicken tuna sandwich
And I don’t even gotta make no God damned sense
I just did a whole song and I didn’t say shit

Okay, fuck you Eminem. Seriously, just because you acknowledge the fact that you just said absolutely nothing of importance over the course of five fucking minutes doesn’t mean it’s okay. This song is fucking awful. It’s wack af.

11. Big Weenie produced by Dr. Dre

Oh my fucking God. No. NO. This can’t be real. This cannot be a real song. This hook sounds like it was written by a fucking four year old.

You’re just jealous of me ’cause you, you just can’t do what I do
So instead of just admitting it, you walk around and say
All kinds of really mean things about me
‘Cause you’re a meanie, a meanie

…Really, nigga? You’re a grown man referring to someone as a “meanie?” I’m losing a lot of what little respect I had left for Eminem. He claims he was on a lot of drugs when he made this song, which is clear to see. He was clearly not himself when he made this shit. This is fucking unbelievable, and not in a good way. This song is another diss to Benzino. It’s not good though. This might be one of the worst diss songs I’ve ever heard. It’s up there with Wanna Know by Meek Mill & Goulish by Lil Wayne. The first verse is trash. The second verse is even worse.

Your mouth is open, you’re disgusting, what the fuck you eat for lunch?
A bunch of sweets or something? What, you munch a bunch of Crunch ‘n Munch?
Your tooth is rotten to the gum, your breath stinks, wanna chew some gum?

What the fuck is this nigga doing? Jesus fucking Christ. I don’t believe this. The third verse is fucking terrible too. Fuck this song. FUCK THIS SHIT. This song is pure dogshit. I can’t stand it.

12. Em Calls Paul (Skit)

This is a super annoying skit in which Eminem leaves a message for Paul in response to the earlier skit. For some reason he’s using an electrolarynx, so he sounds like Ned Gerblanski from South Park. You can also hear the sound of him shitting in the background. This is officially the third track in which you hear the sound of someone taking a shit.

13. Just Lose It produced by Dr. Dre & Mike Elizondo

This was the lead single to this album, and I fucking hate it. I remember when my friends and I were on our way to get lunch in 12th grade one day, they played this track with the AUX cord they had and I wanted to do a fucking tuck and roll out of the car. The production isn’t too bad, but the first verse is wack as fuck. The lyrics are stupid as hell, and OF COURSE this motherfucker had to include a fart sound AGAIN. Fuck. Fucking hate this shit.

Good God, dip, do a little slide
Bend down, touch your toes, and just glide
Up the center of the dance floor
Like TP for my bung-hole

The hook on this song is absolutely unbearable too. He keeps doing this super obnoxious impression of Peewee Herman’s laugh, and it makes me wanna pour molten lead in my fucking ears every time I hear it. The second verse is fucking terrible too. I can’t decide which verse I hate the most. They’re all fucking trash. This song fucking sucks. This shit is wack af.

14. Ass Like That produced by Dr. Dre & Mike Elizondo

Oh no… Oh… Oh no… There are so many fucking things wrong with this song. First of all, we gotta talk about this fucking dreadful hook.

The way you shake it, I can’t believe it
I ain’t never seen an ass like that
The way you move it, you make my pee-pee go
D-doing, doing, doing

I can’t fucking believe this is a real song that Eminem made. You know the crazy thing about this track though? THE VERSES ARE EVEN WORSE THAN THE HOOK. For some reason Eminem thought it would be a good idea to make an entire song from the perspective of Triumph the Insult Comedy Dog. That probably sounds bad enough to you already, but what you might fail to realize is that Triumph isn’t supposed to be American. That means that Eminem is rapping with a fake Eastern European accent throughout the ENTIRE song. I know.

Do not treat me like a murderer; I just like to pee
Pee, pee, yes, I make R&B, I sing song
It go ring-a-chong, a-ching-chong-chong-chong-ching
Sike, I joke, I joke! I kid, I kid!
If I offend, I’m sorry! Please, please, forgive!
For I am Triumph, the Puppet Dog, I am a mere puppet
I can get away with anything I say and you will love it

I’m not even gonna say much more about this song because I just can’t fucking take it. The way he switched to Arnold Schwarzenegger at the end of the final verse was so fucking infuriating. This song is absolutely unforgivable. This is more dogshit. Fuck this song.

15. Spend Some Time featuring Obie Trice, Stat Quo & 50 Cent produced by Eminem & Luis Resto

This is one of the few songs from this album that I’d heard before starting this review, and I actually think this track is really goddamn good. My favorite aspect of it is easily the uncredited vocals from Dina Rae during the hook. She sounds really great, and I actually love the melody she sings. Eminem’s singing on the hook is pretty bad, but it’s not wack enough to ruin the song for me. The production’s great. I think all the verses are really good too. Obie Trice went first. His verse wasn’t amazing or anything, but I think it was pretty good. Em fuckin’ killed this shit. It’s definitely one of his best verses on the album. He’s actually being serious on this track. I love his flow on these lines…

You started gettin’ moody on me, pretty soon we’d argue
And the ruder you got, the more beautiful you got to me
And who’da even knew that? Who woulda even thought possibly
Cupid could shoot another one of them goddamn darts at me?

As you can probably tell, the song’s about relationships with women. I usually don’t really care for songs about this kinda thing, but I think this is a really well done track. I really like Stat Quo’s verse. The way he ended it was so dope to me. 50 Cent’s verse was pretty solid too, although he accidentally said “inspiring actress” instead of “aspiring actress.” It’s not that big of a deal though. I honestly love this song. I think it’s dope af.

16. Mockingbird produced by Eminem & Luis Resto

This is probably the most personal track on the album. It’s another song dedicated to Em’s daughter. I honestly love the first verse. It’s super emotional.

Hailie, I know you miss your mom, and I know you miss your dad
When I’m gone, but I’m tryin’ to give you the life that I never had
I can see you’re sad, even when you smile, even when you laugh
I can see it in your eyes, deep inside you wanna cry

The production’s nothing special, but it’s not bad. I really WANT to like this song, but… It’s that hook, man… I just can’t fucking do it. Eminem’s high pitched singing sounds awful to me. I don’t think this is a bad song at all though. Both of the verses are really personal and well written. His flow is super smooth too. I just wish the hook was better. It ruins the song for me. This is a decent track though. I just won’t be returning to it personally.

17. Crazy in Love produced by Eminem & Luis Resto

Ugh… I’m not feelin’ the production on this track at all. Oh no… Oh God… This is fucking awful. Em is singing throughout the entire track, and it sounds horrible. Even if he had a good singing voice it wouldn’t sound good because the melody itself is terrible. I’m really not feelin’ this hook at all either. They sampled a Heart song. It’s not good. My God… This song is only about 4 minutes long, but it feels like it lasts forever. His singing is absolutely insufferable. I fucking hate this shit. This is wack af to me.

18. One Shot 2 Shot performed by D12 produced by Eminem & Luis Resto

Oh no… The sung hook on this song from Eminem is terrible. I’m not feelin’ this beat either. The first verse from Bizarre is wack, which is to be expected. This is a concept track in which they rap about trying to survive a club shooting. Kuniva’s verse was actually pretty cool. Swifty McVay’s verse was nice too. Em easily had the best verse. The final verse from Mr. Porter was cool too though. Proof is nowhere to be found unfortunately. I’m not feelin’ this song to be honest. I actually liked the majority of the verses, but the wack verse from Bizarre & lackluster production along with that insanely annoying hook from Em ruins this shit for me. This is wack.

19. Final Thought (Skit)

I have absolutely nothing to say about this track. There’s no reason for me to discuss it at all. I’m never gonna listen to it again.

20. Encore / Curtains Up featuring Dr. Dre & 50 Cent produced by Dr. Dre & Mark Batson

I’m not feelin’ the sung hook on this song. The production is decent though. The first verse from Dre & Em didn’t really do much for me. It wasn’t that bad though. It was okay. The second verse was better in my opinion. The final verse with 50 Cent was okay. I don’t know man… I don’t think this song is that bad, but nothing about it really stands out in a positive way. The hook is wack. The ending skit was stupid as hell. This song is mediocre to me.

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This album is bad. It’s REALLY bad. That entire middle section was like torture, man… Thankfully there were a handful of songs that I enjoyed. It wasn’t enough to save the album though. This shit is so bad. You can tell the drugs were really fucking Em up. This shit is ridiculous. Some of these songs are absolutely preposterous. This album should be used as a lesson to teach children just how harmful drugs can be. When you abuse drugs, you end up with shit like Big Weenie. This album contains some of the worst shit Eminem has ever done. People say Revival is worse than this, which is really depressing considering the fact that he was completely sober when he made that album. It’s hard to believe that it gets worse than this because a good amount of these songs were fucking unbearable. It should come as no surprise that I think this shit is bad though. Most people would agree that this is one of the biggest disappointments in Hip Hop history. This shit is wack.

Favorite Song: Spend Some Time
Least Favorite Song: Ass Like That

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